


Trainwreck

by beccyz



Series: Bad Together [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Dark, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, More Warnings in the story, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Sequel to True Disaster, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-04-07 12:16:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14080767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beccyz/pseuds/beccyz
Summary: [Sequel to True Disaster] Other than his constant paranoia and anxiety and hope that Sanghyuk could come back any minute, Hongbin was doing fine. He took his medication, went to his sessions and worked for a hotline. But what if Sanghyuk decided to come back to play once again with his favorite puppet?





	1. PART ONE

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** This is a work of fanfiction. I don’t own any of the Vixx members mentioned in this text. Please note that this is a work of fiction and that it does not in any case represent the true identity or character of the Vixx members. 
> 
> **Trigger warning:** dark, psychological abuse and manipulation, mentions of violence, blood and murder, explicit sexual content, anxiety. Specific warnings will be mentioned at the beginning of every chapter. 
> 
> This is the sequel to True Disaster, so if you haven’t read that story yet than you should do so now because otherwise this one won’t make any sense. 
> 
> Just take the time to read these words before you start diving into the story. I thought the usual disclaimer and trigger warning weren’t enough for this story. Sure, it’s just a fanfiction but I want to make sure that no one calls me out for this later. This is a story that involves a psychopath, that should be warning enough but it has a lot of psychological abuse and manipulation in it. This is in no case a love story or should be labelled as romance. This is a relationship no one should aspire to have. I’m not in any kind of way trying to romanticize an abusive relationship or support it.  
> Also, I’m no psychologist or psychology student. The knowledge I have about psychopathy is mainly from the internet and books so don’t take anything that is written for granted. If there are any mistakes, then please let me know.  
> Now that this is out of the way, I hope you’ll enjoy the story anyway. Thanks for reading. 
> 
> Please forgive any grammatical mistakes, spelling etc. English isn’t my first language but I tried my best to get rid of a lot of mistakes.
> 
> The title is taken from Banks song 27 Hours, so I don’t take any credit for it. 
> 
> Also this kind of feels like a mess to me and I’m not really confident in this story hence why it took so long. True Disaster was a bomb (even to me) and I was afraid that this sequel might not live up to it (because sequels usually never do). I hope that you do like it anyway.  
> I struggled a lot while writing this because at times I was nearly as anxious as Hongbin in this story and under a lot of stress. I had to take a lot of breaks while writing this but I just had to finish it because it bugged me. Here’s the result and hopefully it doesn’t suck that bad. 
> 
> P.S.: I only planned to write four parts and now it has seven. I think I lost control around Part 4.

**Trigger warning:** psychological abuse and manipulation, anxiety, panic attacks

_Italics - present_

Normal - past

[Link to True Disaster](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11855640/chapters/26767020)

** \--- **

** PART ONE **

** \--- **

_ Keep playing my heartstrings - True Disaster, Tove Lo _

_ \--- _

_ The ticking of the clock vibrated through his skull. His eyes darted nervously through the room. The walls were white, just like all the other walls in the building. The walls that he stared at for most the day because he couldn’t bear to look at anything else. Only once a day, he was forced to look at someone. Months ago he had been the one to talk to traumatized people, now the roles were reversed. At least, he didn’t have to face one of his co-workers. He was in a completely different clinic altogether which had been Taekwoon’s idea. Taekwoon always knew best and Hongbin wished that he would’ve listened to his friend before. Before everything had gone downhill even more downhill than before. They had all told him that it wasn’t his fault but he couldn’t believe them, not when he knew better than them.  _

_ Hongbin’s brown eyes stopped switching from side to side. They settled on the person sitting in the grey armchair next to him. He looked polished in his suit, but his hair was messy just how Hongbin liked it best. A smirk was on his lips as usual because he knew that he had the upper hand. He still had the upper hand even after all this time. He winked at Hongbin who immediately tore his eyes from him. He couldn’t bear to look at Sanghyuk for far too long, hence why he stared at walls for most of the time. It was easy to drown him out visually, but his voice was much harder to ignore. Luckily, he was keeping his mouth shut for once.  _

_ “Shall we start with the session Dr. Lee?” asked a deep voice that bought Hongbin back to reality. He focused on the psychologist opposite to him, sitting in one of those big black chairs. The psychologist looked nice enough with black styled hair and some glasses on his nose. He was the tenth psychologist who was going to try to talk to Hongbin during his time here, but Hongbin hadn’t opened his mouth to any of them. Somehow he felt that his silence would end today. He nodded to signal the psychologist that he was ready to talk.  _

_ “Very well. How about we use first names? I don’t usually do this but we’re more or less colleagues, right? So Hongbin, my name is Wonshik.” _

_ “The last time I was on a first name basis with a patient, I ended up here,” rasped Hongbin, his voice barely stable after all these weeks of not talking to anyone but himself from time to time. Wonshik widened his eyes slightly but didn’t comment on Hongbin’s statement. Instead, he cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. Hongbin saw Sanghyuk’s smirk widen from the corner of his eyes, but he didn’t acknowledge it. In general, he tried not to acknowledge Sanghyuk’s presence.  _

_ “Let’s not focus on that, shall we?” suggested Wonshik with a forced smile. This clearly wasn’t turning out as he had expected. The other psychologist had most likely told Wonshik that Hongbin wouldn’t talk, that he was a useless mess. Well, they weren’t wrong but Hongbin wanted to talk. For some kind of reason, he was finally ready to talk.  _

_ “Whatever you say.” _

_ “How are you feeling in general, Hongbin?” _

_ “Peachy.” _

_ “That sounded very sarcastic,” remarked Wonshik with a raised eyebrow. Anyone else that knew Hongbin wouldn’t be surprised by that. He was known for his sarcasm. They should seriously talk to Jaehwan. He would provide some much-needed information about Hongbin.  _

_ “I don’t know how I should feel, to be honest. There’s nothing,” admitted Hongbin in a flat tone. Day in day out, he stared at the walls and felt nothing. There was the occasional spark of annoyance or fear or in the worst case lust, but that was bound to be normal when Sanghyuk was around.  _

_ “No sadness or anger?” _

_ “Nope, just nothing.” _

_ “You might still be in shock.” _

_ “Shock? About what?” asked Hongbin. The other psychologist had said something similar and it had never made sense to him. He barely even knew why he was trapped here in the first place. Why should he be in shock?  _

_ “So you still don’t remember?” _

_ “Everybody asks me if I remember anything, but I don’t I-“ Hongbin immediately stopped talking when he felt warm hands on his shoulders. Their strong grip was a warning to keep his mouth shut. He hadn’t even noticed that Sanghyuk had left his chair. He felt the younger one’s breath caress the skin of his neck.  _

_ “They don’t need to know everything, darling!” reminded Sanghyuk and tightened his grip on Hongbin’s shoulders a bit more. Hongbin’s whole body was tense like a drawn bow, ready to snap anytime. The psychologist seemed to notice this immediately and made some notes on his board but didn’t say anything.  _

_ “Okay then let’s take slower steps. How about we start from the beginning? Tell me what happened after Sanghyuk left,” suggested Wonshik, taking another route to get to the root of Hongbin’s problems. Maybe the blockade or shock or whatever it was that seemed to keep crucial memories away would vanish once he started to talk about everything that had happened. Hongbin felt Sanghyuk’s hands slowly loosen around his shoulders and caressed his shoulders as a belated apology.  _

_ “Alright,” muttered Hongbin, trying hard not to be too distracted by Sanghyuk and his actions that always tried to pull him back.  _

 

*******

 

It had been six months. Six months since he had last seen Sanghyuk and had been left with a bleeding wound and a broken heart. Now, there was only a scar left, but his heart was still kind of healing. Hongbin had never been the type to shed tears over an ex-boyfriend or a failed affair, but it was different this time. Sanghyuk hadn’t been any guy that he had picked up at a bar or met in the city. Sanghyuk had been one of his patients and a psychopath. He had played and manipulated Hongbin in every possible way so that eventually Hongbin had fallen for him. Oh, he had fallen hard, now he had to pick up the pieces. 

 

Even after all these weeks, Hongbin has been still struggling with himself, still trying to find his old self. However, he was certain that it was gone, that Sanghyuk had taken every single piece of him and had smashed them into tiny pieces. Luckily, the whole story hadn’t made it into the news. It was only known that Hongbin had been attacked by Sanghyuk who then had fled the scene. Nothing about them being intimate or how Hongbin had confessed that he has been in love with Sanghyuk and had made a biased decision in the courtroom. That all had been covered up by his boss and Taekwoon. Officially, he was on a break from his job, recovering from the attack and weeks of manipulation. Unofficially, Taekwoon had deemed him not to be in the right state of mind to practice his job and signed him off of work for an indefinite period. 

 

So, Hongbin was paid for staying home and staring at the wall. Of course, that wasn’t all he did, only for half of the day. The other half of the day, he spent either in therapy sessions or working on a helpline. He just couldn’t stop his work as a psychologist completely. It was easy when he didn’t have to face the person on the line and just listened to their voice, trying to calm them and maybe find a solution for their problem. It earned him some money and distracted him from thinking about Sanghyuk all day. Even after six months, he was constantly thinking about the younger one and what he might be up to. Work was a great distraction and even Taekwoon had approved it. He had said that it was a slow way to get Hongbin back to his old form. They all knew that there was no going back anymore. Hongbin would do this for the rest of his life. 

 

At least, that’s what he was thinking right now. Jaehwan always tried to cheer him up and told him that everything would go back to normal soon. Even after all these months, Jaehwan managed to say those words and keep a smile on his face without looking tired. Their situation was far from normal. Hongbin had moved into Jaehwan’s flat because he couldn’t bear to live in the same four walls that Sanghyuk had been in. His smell seemed to linger everywhere and everything reminded Hongbin of the younger one, as if he had tainted everything. All his furniture, clothes and other stuff had either been sold, donated or simply thrown away. All his clothes were new, even his glasses. Sanghyuk had never touched any of this, and it made Hongbin feel lighter but only sometimes. 

 

Usually, the heaviness that seemed to pull his whole body and soul down never left. Some days, he had to drag himself to the toilet or eat something. It had been like this for two weeks after Sanghyuk had left. He had been lucky that Jaehwan had been by his side all the time or he would’ve starved himself to death. He owed his best friend a lot, but Jaehwan always said that it was only natural. Whenever Hongbin had a nightmare, Jaehwan would be there to hold him while sobs wrecked his body. He was always there, no matter what mood Hongbin had slipped into. Though they both preferred the days when a glimpse of the old Hongbin showed itself. When he smiled and laughed without hesitation and made dumb jokes. Those days were rare, but they kept Hongbin moving. He was healing very slowly, but one day he might be able to forget the past. 

 

*******

 

Two months ago, Jaehwan had decided that the flat was too tiny for both of them and that Hongbin couldn’t continue sleeping on the couch. Let’s be real, Hongbin rarely slept on the couch. He slept next to Jaehwan because he couldn’t bear to sleep in a room on his own. Some nights, he was able to, but most of the time he snuck into Jaehwan’s bed who simply lifted his blanket and let Hongbin slip in without a comment. It would continue in their new flat, but Hongbin saw the intention behind it. 

 

Jaehwan wanted for Hongbin to have a brand new start. A new flat that belonged to both of them and that didn’t feel as if Hongbin was a guest that had overstayed his welcome. They both had their own bedrooms, a spacious living room and Hongbin even had an own office so that Jaehwan wouldn’t disturb him during his work. It was a nice thought, but Jaehwan always disturbed him, no matter what room he sat in. It had been like this since their childhood and they had both laughed when Jaehwan had busted into Hongbin's office for the first time. It was good to know that at least some things didn’t change. 

 

Taekwoon and his so-called roommate Hakyeon had helped them during their move. Everybody knew that these two were dating, but Taekwoon still seemed to be in deep denial over that. Hongbin had asked Hakyeon once, who had only rolled his eyes. Their moving day had been exhausting but funny at the same time. All four of them had fallen asleep on an old mattress and woken up with sore muscles the next morning. During all this time Hongbin hadn’t thought about Sanghyuk once, but that already changed on the following day after their move. 

 

After they all had woken up, it had been decided to build up most of the furniture while Hongbin got some groceries. He was no good when it came to building stuff and it would end with him having to go to the emergency room. Also, it was always better to leave when Hakyeon and Jaehwan were in one room together. Things could get too loud really soon. Poor Taekwoon would’ve to endure all of it but Hongbin would be back soon and share his agony. 

 

He had just loaded all the groceries into his car and only stopped by the post to check his P.O. Box where most of his work stuff landed. There had been the usual monthly payroll from the clinic that he hadn’t entered in half a year and some advertisement trash. He had flipped through his mail as he walked back to his car when he noticed a postcard. Immediately, he had stopped in his tracks and stared at the card with wide eyes. His heart had begun to beat wildly in his chest and excitement had infected his body. Before he had read the card, he had made sure that he was in the safety of his car and drove into a deserted street. He hadn’t wanted to be seen as he read that postcard. Nobody knew about those postcards because then they would know why he stopped making progress, why he still held onto something so ridiculous. 

 

It had been a postcard from India this time and Hongbin had recognized that swift and tidy writing immediately. He had read it a lot over the past few months. Sanghyuk had never really left his life. No, the younger one had made sure that Hongbin wouldn’t forget him with those cards. Every two weeks, he had sent Hongbin a postcard, reminding him that he would come back. He had given Hongbin hope for something that he shouldn’t hope for in the first place. Hongbin hoped that Sanghyuk would come back and they would leave together, that Sanghyuk would envelop him in his arms and never let go again. A ridiculous delusion, Hongbin was well aware of that but whenever it came to Sanghyuk, his common sense went down the drain. 

 

Excitedly, he had read the card, absorbing every written word into his memory. Sanghyuk had kept it short, only talking about the weather and telling Hongbin that he would be back soon. Sometimes the P.S. entailed something very dirty that made Hongbin blush because this card went through the hands of so many people that surely someone must’ve read them. Those workers probably thought that it was only a couple exchanging postcards during the time they were separated. Nothing indicated that this was written by a psychopath. The words were so specifically chosen that it really seemed as if Sanghyuk was in love but Hongbin knew better and it always left a bitter taste in his mouth. 

 

Once he had read the postcard at least three times, he hid it in his wallet until he was home. He had an actual hiding place for all the postcards Sanghyuk had sent over the past months and he read all of them frequently. He was obsessed with them and they didn’t help him to forget Sanghyuk or to come to terms with the whole situation. He was running in circles and he knew that hell would break loose should someone ever find these cards. Until now, he had hidden them very well and calmed himself down after reading them. They usually made him madly jubilant and too excited, so he took his time to compose himself before facing anyone. He had done the same that day, before he had gone up with the groceries, ready to face the chaos in his new flat. 

 

 

 

*******

 

With every new postcard, Hongbin realized something. Sanghyuk was coming closer, he was coming back for sure. It made Hongbin sick and anxious but there was also excitement. He was afraid of Sanghyuk coming back and playing with him again, but he also anticipated it. There was no way that he would ever know what felt right and what wrong when it came to Sanghyuk. Now that he knew that Sanghyuk was coming closer, his mood fluctuated even more often. Some days he was jumpy and afraid to open the door, while on other days he was like a kid that was about to go to Disney world for the first time. However, on the worst days, he ever leashed out and hissed at random people or simply stayed in bed to cry his eyes out. It didn’t matter what mood he was in, Jaehwan was always by his side, getting him through that phase over and over again. Hongbin really admired his friend for being this patient with him and not cursing at him to finally get over it. 

 

Jaehwan had become his crutch, who made sure that Hongbin ate regularly, left the house, had some kind of schedule and went to his appointments with Taekwoon. It was unusual that a direct colleague treated you but Hongbin had denied going to anyone else. Taekwoon was familiar with Sanghyuk and the whole situation, Hongbin wouldn’t have to repeat that story to him. The only problem was that Taekwoon was biased in this case, no matter how hard he tried to be professional. Of course, his main goal was to help Hongbin but some sessions really led to tensions between them, that luckily vanished quickly. 

 

Today marked another session with Taekwoon and Hongbin was so tired. It was a bad day, a day where he would usually stay in bed and cry but Jaehwan had personally driven him here to make sure that he talked to Taekwoon. It was for the better, he knew that, but it was so hard to open his mouth and form words. Everything felt so heavy, so unbearably heavy that he wanted to break down. The prescribed medication should help with his mood swings and that heavy feeling, but their effects were rather mild. Honestly, sometimes Hongbin skipped them because they made him to drowsy during work. If Taekwoon and Jaehwan knew that then he would be on his way to the secure unit. They were afraid that he might hurt himself but that wasn’t Hongbin’s intention. The only thing they had to fear was that Hongbin would run away to find Sanghyuk but there was at least some of his sanity still left. 

 

“Bad day, hm? Was there any trigger for this?” asked Taekwoon who was sitting in front of Hongbin. They weren’t at the clinic or a session room. They always went to a cafe where they had rented one of the back rooms for their sessions. It wasn’t even a shabby one but had a nice carpet and two comfortable chairs. Taekwoon pierced Hongbin with his dark eyes, inquisitive but not pushing. He always gave Hongbin the time to think about his words and form them to proper sentences, especially on bad days. Hongbin was glad for that but it also irritated him. It infuriated him in general that he was sitting on the other side for once. Usually, he was the psychologist asking questions and listening, not the patient that tried to answer them. Of course, there had been a trigger, what a dumb but normal question. Hongbin had been awake for most the night, reading all the old postcards and thinking about his last night with Sanghyuk. How the younger one had pushed him into the sheets and edged him for an eternity until he had finally fucked Hongbin. That memory had made him so desperate that he had jacked off to it and he had never been more disgusted with himself in his life. Shame flooded him right now as well and would never be able to tell this to Taekwoon under normal circumstances but they weren’t friends right now. They were psychologist and patient. 

 

“I thought back to the night before Sanghyuk left,” began Hongbin, every word was forced out of his mouth and Taekwoon noticed that. He didn’t push Hongbin to continue but simply waited. The silence drove Hongbin insane, it was too quiet. He wanted to jump out of his seat and pace through the room but opted to only wiggle with his leg instead. There was too much nervous energy in him. He shouldn’t have drunk that much coffee. 

 

“I remembered the way he touched me and…,” Hongbin broke off the sentence again, trying to find the right words but he was so ashamed. So ashamed to even form them. Taekwoon nodded in acknowledgment, his face not giving any emotion away and waited for Hongbin to continue. 

 

“I was so turned on that I jacked off. It’s so fucking embarrassing to say this and I’m feeling so filthy right now!” confessed Hongbin and felt even worse than before, now that those words had left his mouth. He even hid his face behind his hands, not able to look Taekwoon in the eyes. 

 

“Why do you feel filthy?” asked Taekwoon patiently, but it only made Hongbin’s blood boil. 

 

“What kind of a fucking dumb question is that? I’m feeling filthy because I jacked off to the memory of how I was fucked by a psychopath,” hissed Hongbin.

 

“You were in love with him,” stated Taekwoon bluntly. They both knew that Hongbin was still in love with Sanghyuk. There was no reason to use past tense unless Taekwoon was trying to rile him up. 

 

“Doesn’t change anything because I know that everybody judges me for that. I feel how all of you look at me like I’m a scum back.”

 

“We don’t look at you like that.”

 

“Oh, you don’t? Then why do I feel this way? Why does it feel like I’m an insane person for loving Sanghyuk? It feels as if you’re all avoiding to touch me because I’m tainted. I feel tainted from head to toe.”

“Hongbin, you’ve been through hell and your conflicting emotions are completely normal-“ Taekwoon was trying to explain but Hongbin had enough. He stood up and threw the table against the wall. There was such a strong anger inside of him that he barely recognized himself. 

 

“Stop telling me what’s normal! I know what’s wrong and right but I still chose to do the wrong thing, to fall for a psychopath and live in the delusional hope that he’ll come back and that we’ll be happy. There’s no happily ever after for me and Sanghyuk, it’ll only end in destruction.”

 

Taekwoon was still calm and collected in his seat, watching how Hongbin’s emotions got the better of him. Hongbin felt silly but leashed out again: “You’re not going to say anything?”

“Not until you’re done and sit back down,” answered Taekwoon smoothly and nodded his head towards the empty chair. Hongbin sighed and sat down again, anger leaving his body and made way for embarrassment. He shouldn’t have lost his temper like that. 

 

“Why do I feel like a little child that threw an unnecessary tantrum?”

 

“You threw a tantrum but it wasn’t unnecessary. I can’t tell you that no one is judging you because it’s normal that they do. It’s simply what all of us humans do. However, I can assure you that the ones closest to you don’t avoid you or think that you’re filthy. We try to make you feel as normal as possible so that you can heal. We’re here to help you heal,” explained Taekwoon and leaned forward in his seat. There was empathy and warmness in his eyes that felt like a warm hug to Hongbin. 

 

“Why am I not making progress?” whispered Hongbin, already knowing the answer. 

 

“That’s a question that you should ask yourself because you have to work on yourself first, Hongbin. You can’t change the past, neither your feelings for Sanghyuk or Sanghyuk himself. You can only change yourself and move one,” explained Taekwoon. 

 

“I know,” sighed Hongbin. 

 

 

*******

 

Hongbin had thought about that session for a few days while he had lain in bed with swollen eyes. There was no use in living in the past, hoping that Sanghyuk would come back and Hongbin would make him a better man. He had to break out of this delusion and stop feeling sorry for himself as well. He just couldn’t continue living like this. Lying in bed and crying his eyes out. So the next day, he got up right after his alarm had rung, made himself a coffee and dressed properly before he started working on the hotline. He was able to continue this routine for one week before he had a minor fall out on a Sunday. There had been nothing to do for him, nothing that would distract him from the deep unsatisfied need to be close to Sanghyuk. He had lain in bed until the late afternoon when Jaehwan had decided for them to take a walk in the park and it had helped. As long as Hongbin was able to distract himself, he was able to live a normal life again. 

 

He stopped checking his P.O. Box for new postcards and threw the old ones away, even though it had been very hard. He took his medication regularly and continued his sessions with Taekwoon. All in all, he was on a really good path and his friends all seemed less reserved around him. They stopped treating him as if he was something fragile that might break any second. Hakyeon and Jaehwan still pampered him but it wasn’t as exaggerated anymore. Even Taekwoon smiled at his progress and everything seemed to go just the way he wanted. 

 

“You’re really making progress, Beanie,” said Jaehwan one day as they sat in the park, eating ice cream like they had always done in their childhood. Hongbin smiled sheepishly and felt proud because he was doing the right thing. His friends didn’t notice the struggle that was raging inside him every day. They didn’t know how hard it was for Hongbin to keep himself going and not falling back into his old behavior. 

 

Sanghyuk was still as prominent in his dreams as before and the urge to check his P.O. Box for new postcards was overwhelming at times but he managed to keep all that a bay. He managed to fight the voice inside of him that was telling him to search for Sanghyuk and help him with whatever he is doing. Hongbin wouldn’t stoop that low. It was bad enough that he was attracted to Sanghyuk, he wouldn’t commit crimes with the psychopath as well. Also, he was fairly certain that Sanghyuk was the type to work alone. 

 

Hongbin cleared those thoughts from his mind and instead focused on eating his melting ice cream. It was a beautiful day without any clouds covering the sun. Only blue sky and more blue sky. A lot of people enjoyed this brilliant weather in the park, there were families and picnics everywhere. Children screamed and laughed loudly while some dogs barked. On the bad days, all this noise would’ve been too much for Hongbin but now, it only caused him to have a minor headache. Nothing that some aspirin wouldn’t be able to cure. 

 

“Hakyeon and Taekwoon ask if he wants to eat dinner at their place later,” announced Jaehwan while scrolling through his phone, his ice cream nowhere to be seen. The older one was always fast when it came to ingesting food. Hongbin shortly glanced at Jaehwan before he watched the playground in front of them again. 

 

“As long as Hakyeon isn’t cooking, then I’m in,” said Hongbin, finishing his ice cream and licking his sticky fingers. He really felt like a young boy again, innocent and happy. 

 

“As if Taekwoon even lets him enter the kitchen,” scoffed Jaehwan and continued scrolling. 

 

“Not even through the backdoor?” 

 

“Let’s be real, Taekwoon is the only one who’s entering a backdoor,” stated Jaehwan with a grin and Hongbin needed a few seconds to process the ambiguous comment. His face contorted into a mask of disgust while Jaehwan started to laugh loudly. 

 

“Oh man. That’s gross. Yikes,” said Hongbin, which only made his friend laugh even harder. He pounded Hongbin’s shoulder and nearly fell off the bench, which earned them a few glances but Hongbin didn’t really care. He had started laughing himself and it made him feel so wonderfully light. 

 

“The look on your face. Fucking hilarious,” hiccuped Jaehwan between his laughter. 

 

“You put an image in my head that I’ll surely never forget. I won’t be able to face them tonight,” groaned Hongbin and hid his face in his hands but laughed anyway. 

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll probably laugh my ass off when I see Hakyeon,” assured Jaehwan and leaned against Hongbin. 

 

“This will end in chaos,” sighed Hongbin before huffing another laugh. He leaned back against the park bench while Jaehwan had put his head on his shoulder. It was so comfortable and soothing for his soul that he wanted to drown in this feeling. He felt as if he was finally healing. 

 

“Those are the best nights, aren’t they?” 

 

“By far.”

 

 

*******

 

Dinner had been great with lots of laughs. Hakyeon had decided to cook and nearly burned the flat down so they had to order food. Taekwoon had been close to committing murder when he had seen his half-destroyed kitchen but luckily everything turned out well. They might have drunk too much wine but the warm and fuzzy feeling was always worth it. 

 

Hongbin was still giggly when they left their friends flat. He and Jaehwan only lived a few blocks away so they walked back, enjoying the cool night air. They reminisced the evening and made some dumb jokes that had them laughing at the top of their lungs. Surely, they were disturbing the neighborhood but Hongbin couldn’t care less. Tonight, he felt reckless, up for any kind of scheme. Wine and anti-depressants were never a good combination and Hongbin felt it for the first time in his life. Still, he enjoyed that carefree intoxicating feeling that spread through his body and lifted the weight that was constantly pressing onto his chest. Jaehwan smiled brightly at his relaxed best friend and fumbled with his keys to open the door to their residential complex. 

 

Hongbin bobbed his head to a non-existing tune and surveyed their neighborhood that looked magnificent in the night with only the lanterns giving some kind of light. He could still hear Jaehwan struggle with the keys but he made no effort to help his friend. His eyes stopped when they noticed something white under his windscreen wipers. He stumbled towards his car and took the paper into his hands. The handwriting sobered him up immediately. The weight returned to his chest, making him gasp for air. 

 

_“You should really check your P.O. Box more often. I wanted to meet you, even gave you the coordinates but guess who didn’t show up. Trying to ignore me isn’t going to work, Hongbin. If you won’t come to me, well, then I guess I will come for you. See you soon.”_

 

Hongbin read the note twice and his started to spin. Sanghyuk had wanted to meet him and he had written it on his postcards. He had ignored his P.O. Box for such a long time and simply had hoped that the cards would stop coming, that Sanghyuk would lose interest but he had been wrong. Sanghyuk was going to come for him and it wasn’t going to be pleasant. A sick thrill of excitement vibrated through his body, he even shuddered. He was terrified to meet Sanghyuk again but also excited. For months, he had waited for the younger one to come back and now, he was back in town and he was going to continue to play with Hongbin. 

 

“Finally, damn keys.”

 

Jaehwan’s voice ripped him back into reality and he crumpled the note in his hand before stuffing it into one of his jeans pockets. Jaehwan smiled proudly and his hand pointed at the now open door but his smile fell when he noticed Hongbin’s new expression. It was too late for Hongbin to force the happiness back on his face, Jaehwan knew that it would be fake. 

 

“What’s going on?” asked Jaehwan worried and stepped closer to Hongbin who flinched away. He didn’t want Jaehwan too close because he knew that Sanghyuk might still be watching them. First, he didn’t want to get Jaehwan into unnecessary danger and second, he wanted to show that there was nothing between him and Jaehwan. It was ridiculous but Hongbin still wanted to please Sanghyuk. It was an urge that he couldn’t stop. 

 

“Nothing…Just-“

 

“The alcohol depression phase? I get it. Come on, let’s get you to bed!” Interrupted Jaehwan, as usual very empathetic and pulled Hongbin into their complex. Hongbin glanced one last time down the street, trying to make out something in the dark but he saw nothing. There was nothing but still his heart beat unrelentingly fast as if it was going to jump out of his chest. 

 

Once they were back in their flat, Hongbin felt less exposed, less watched but his heart was still beating to fast. Jaehwan was saying something but it was only a muffled noise to Hongbin. His head started spinning faster and he hadn’t noticed his quick breathing. Jaehwan guided him into their living room and gripped his shoulders painfully. The pain let him focus for a few seconds and he took in Jaehwan’s worried but determined face. 

 

“It’s going to be fine, Beanie. Count with me to one hundred, okay?” said Jaehwan and Hongbin nodded in his panicked state. This wasn’t the first time they had to do this. Hongbin’s panic attacks had decreased but a few months ago they had tortured him daily. However, they were rarely this heavy and took his breath away. Jaehwan began to count and Hongbin tried to form the numbers with his mouth. With every number, he felt how his heart slowed down and his breathing evened out again. He was damn lucky to have Jaehwan by his side or he would’ve drowned in his own panic. Luckily, Jaehwan didn’t ask any questions as usual and only helped Hongbin to get into some comfortable clothing before putting him to bed. 

 

Sometimes, he felt like a child again when Jaehwan cared for him and he felt weak. It was embarrassing that such a simple note could tear his carefully crafted world apart. He thought he had managed to get away from Sanghyuk’s control and manipulation but he had been wrong. So wrong. There was no escaping because Sanghyuk always found a new door to slip back into Hongbin’s life and Hongbin was too weak to fight him off. To be honest, most of the time he didn’t want to fight Sanghyuk off because he missed the younger one so much. He was still hopelessly and ridiculously in love with the psychopath. The fight between fear and love inside of him wouldn’t end anytime soon. His only comfort was that Jaehwan wrapped him in a blanket before pulling him close. The older one started to talk about random things, knowing that they would distract Hongbin and eventually get him to sleep. Hongbin really didn’t deserve Jaehwan. 

 

*******

 

Hongbin had wrapped up his shift for the hotline, which had been a nightshift and now tried to fall asleep. It was ten in the morning but he had stayed up all night with strangers on the other side of the phone, trying to give them advice. He was tired but also wired. There was still energy left inside of him and a nervous itch in his muscles to do something. Usually, he would work out a bit but he was already lying in bed and too lazy to stand up again. 

 

Jaehwan had left the house around eight o’clock, off to work but had managed to make breakfast for Hongbin anyway. The older one simply had to pamper Hongbin who sometimes really got sick of it. He forgot to eat breakfast regularly and it was nice for Jaehwan to remember him to eat but he didn’t have to make Hongbin breakfast. They had talked about this before but Jaehwan always insisted on making Hongbin breakfast. So the younger one had stopped fighting against it and had munched on his cereal without complaining. Jaehwan had left their flat smiling brightly, as he usually did, and Hongbin had been alone. 

 

Ever since he had discovered Sanghyuk’s note, he waited for the younger one to show himself. However, he still liked to play with Hongbin and hadn’t appeared yet. It had been two weeks since Hongbin had discovered the note and he was still waiting for Sanghyuk. At times, he thought that it might have just been a bait for him and that Sanghyuk had told someone to write that note or someone pranked him. However when he had checked his P.O. Box, he had seen the mentioned postcard with the coordinates. When he had read it, his stomach had dropped and his old scar had pained him. He looked at the scar more frequently now, reminding himself what Sanghyuk was capable of doing. 

 

Other than his constant paranoia and anxiety and hope that Sanghyuk could come back any minute, he was doing fine. He took his medication, went to his sessions and worked for the hotline. His life seemed in control even though his emotions told a completely different story. 

 

Actually, he didn’t really want to think about all of this, so he decided to stand up and work out, despite his earlier laziness. It always helped him to distract himself, only focusing on his flexing muscles and how his body moved. He always counted his breaths and it was incredibly soothing to him. Exactly what he needed right now and afterward he would take a nice nap. 

 

Twenty minutes into his work out, the doorbell rang. He rolled his eyes and lowered the barbell to the floor. It was probably just the post delivering a package for Jaehwan. Hongbin fanned himself while he walked to the door. He was sweaty and felt rather gross but the mailman was used to this appearance by now. When he opened the door, his face fell and his body was frozen in the doorway. 

 

“Hello there, Hongbin!”


	2. PART TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** psychological abuse and manipulatio, anxiety
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos so far. I'm glad that you're excited about this sequel. Enjoy the chapter~

**PART TWO**

\---

_ And with one kiss you inspired a fire of devotion that lasts for twenty years - What Kind Of Man, Florence + The Machine _

\---

He was leaning against the doorframe, grinning from ear to ear and handsome as ever. He had dyed his hair to a sandy blond color and combed it back, only one strand had escaped him and fell into his eyes. Hongbin had never been more terrified but also enamored in his whole life. Sanghyuk mustered him up and down with his cold eyes. His smile widened. Hongbin’s body finally reacted, his fist already flying towards Sanghyuk’s face who only grabbed the fist smoothly. 

 

“No punching this time. That’s not the welcome I imagined,” commented Sanghyuk. His voice sounded as smooth and enticing as Hongbin remembered. Hearing him was a blessing and made Hongbin’s heart throb. However, he was also furious that Sanghyuk just showed up on his doorstep. The younger one couldn’t just barge back into his life because it would only end in chaos. Hongbin didn’t want or need chaos since he was finally feeling better. 

 

“Well, what did you expect, bastard?” hissed Hongbin, trying to get his fist out of Sanghyuk’s hard grip. Sanghyuk pushed him into the flat before he closed the front door with his foot. Once the door was closed, Sanghyuk pushed him further and directly into a wall. It was always the same with him. Sanghyuk would take hold of him, push him against a wall so that Hongbin couldn’t escape. As though, he wanted to escape in the first place.

 

“You always have to strike below the belt, don’t you? I imagined something like this,” murmured Sanghyuk, his voice deeper than before and pressed their lips together. Hongbin’s anger vanished into thin air as soon as he felt the familiar warmth of Sanghyuk’s lips. He was easily distracted by kisses and Sanghyuk used that against him, as usual. Every single one of his weaknesses was used against him, but Hongbin couldn’t care less. Their kiss was frantic and heated, already too much for Hongbin whose head started to spin. Right now, his emotional state was a mix of love, attraction, and sheer fear. It was always this way around Sanghyuk there was no escaping his mixed emotions. Guilt would only hunt him later, once Sanghyuk was gone, and he had to face his friends again. 

 

For now, though, guilt didn’t come close to what he was feeling. His heart ached because he had missed this so much. Just being pressed against Sanghyuk, sharing frantic kisses and inhaling his cologne. It was unhealthy, but that’s what intoxicated Hongbin even more. Humans always tended to seek out what might destroy them, always did what they shouldn’t do. His excitement flared, even more, when he felt how one of Sanghyuk’s hands wrapped itself around his throat. It was only a light pressure but warning enough that Sanghyuk could take Hongbin’s life whenever he wanted. This warning should push Hongbin away from Sanghyuk, but he only wanted to be closer to the other, wanted that hand to grip his throat even harder. 

 

Their lips finally broke apart, but their bodies stayed close together. Sanghyuk sucked a mark behind Hongbin’s ear and viewed it proudly. Of course, he had to mark his territory immediately. It irritated Hongbin but, as usual, lust overshadowed that. Their eyes met each other, and a shiver ran down his spine. Sanghyuk’s eyes were as cold as Hongbin remembered, but they seemed even more ruthless than before as if no soul inhabited the body he was pressed against. Sanghyuk tightened his hand around Hongbin’s throat. This time they were strong enough to cut Hongbin off air. 

 

“Next time when I give you orders you better obey them or someone might get hurt,” warned Sanghyuk, his voice emotionless and his dark eyes piercing. Hongbin tried to gulp, but it was hard with a hand wrapped tightly around his throat. He could barely breathe, and his head already started to spin. Besides that, he felt aroused and had never been more ashamed. 

“O-okay,” croaked Hongbin after Sanghyuk tightened his hand even further. The psychopath only shook his head with a smile on his lips, before there was more pressure behind his words as if he wanted to make sure that Hongbin understood him completely: “I didn’t hear you, Hongbin!”

 

“Okay!”

 

“That’s better,” said Sanghyuk satisfied and let go of Hongbin’s throat who tried to catch his breath immediately. Sanghyuk didn’t give him even a second before they were entangled into another make-out session. Hongbin could only focus on that hot feeling that occupied his whole mind and body. He needed more, more of Sanghyuk. The younger one’s hands wandered underneath Hongbin’s shirt and softly touched the scar on his abdomen. He felt Sanghyuk smiling into their kiss, and it made Hongbin want to punch him. That thought vanished as soon Sanghyuk’s fingers dragged over the scar with more force, and Hongbin couldn’t stop the loud moan that escaped his mouth. Sanghyuk stopped their kiss and tilted his head inquisitively. Hongbin felt himself blush, his cheeks burning with embarrassment but Sanghyuk seemed to like it. His fingers pressed even deeper, and a sick throb went through Hongbin’s body while another moan left his mouth. 

 

“Hmm. I would love to play with you some more, but I have some business to attend to,” whispered Sanghyuk into his ear, dragging his teeth over the shell. The younger one felt Hongbin’s erection pressing against his thigh for sure. Hongbin whined at those words, something that he would be embarrassed about later on. Sanghyuk only smirked and gave Hongbin one last kiss. 

 

Sanghyuk was leaving again, and Hongbin also felt his heart break again. He felt tears prick his eyes and he was furious. Furious for feeling this way when Sanghyuk didn’t care about him. Hongbin knew that it was pointless to hope that Sanghyuk would fall in love with him but he couldn’t stop himself.Hope was blossoming inside of his chest whenever Sanghyuk was close to him and kissed him.

 

“Don’t look so sullen. You’ll see me sooner than you might like,” promised the younger one and stepped away from Hongbin who was finally able to breathe properly again. Sanghyuk’s presence left no room for air. Hongbin’s mind also started to clear, and the lust faded into the background. Fury, heartbreak, and love spread through his body instead. He wanted to scratch Sanghyuk’s eyes out, punch his fucking jaw but also kiss him until there was no air left in his lungs. 

 

“Ah before I forget it. Your friend Jaehwan should really keep his hands to himself,” mentioned Sanghyuk as he reached for the doorknob. That made Hongbin stop. For once, his conflicting emotions stopped fighting each other and listened closely. 

 

“What do you mean?” inquired Hongbin, even though he already knew what Sanghyuk had meant with his comment. Sanghyuk turned towards him with a playful smile on his face, and Hongbin's body turned cold.

 

“He likes to be close to you, doesn’t he? I’m just saying, sometimes accidents happen,” hinted Sanghyuk. 

 

“What kind of accidents? Are you planning to kill him?”

 

“Oh, I’m not that idiotic. Cutting off a few fingers may help already.”

 

“If you touch Jaehwan then-“ hissed Hongbin but the younger one didn’t let him finish his sentence, as usual. He had to have the upper hand. 

“Then what, Hongbin?”

 

“I’ll tear you apart,” threatened Hongbin and he meant every word. He might be in love with Sanghyuk for some delusional reasons, but that stopped when his friends were concerned. It was okay that he got himself into danger because that’s what he chose but not his friends. They should stay out of this, especially Jaehwan who always had his back, no matter what.

 

“I would like to see you try since you literally melt whenever I touch you,” laughed Sanghyuk. He didn’t take Hongbin’s threat seriously because he only saw his puppet, the puppet that did whatever he wanted. 

 

“If you touch one of my friends then you’ll definitely regret ever meeting me.”

 

“Spoken like a true murder and they say I’m the crazy one.”

 

“Just fucking leave,” cursed Hongbin, fed up with the psychopath’s arrogance and threats. He would need to find a way to keep his friends safe, even if that meant that he had to turn his back on them. 

 

“For once, I’ll follow your orders because I’m already late, but I promise you Hongbin, you’re in for a wild ride, now that I’m back!” said Sanghyuk before he finally left the flat. Hongbin leaned against the wall as he tried to process what had just happened. Sanghyuk was back and had torn his way into Hongbin’s life once again, and this time he would destroy everything. Hongbin slid to the floor, reality forcing him to his knees. Sanghyuk had openly threatened Jaehwan, and now Hongbin had to make sure that nothing would happen to his best friend. He would have to distance himself from Jaehwan, for his own good. Sanghyuk was dangerous, far more dangerous than Hongbin was able to comprehend. He should’ve just slammed the door into Sanghyuk’s face and not let him back in. It was his own fault. When tears streamed down his face, he didn’t wipe them away but let himself cry. He was such a god damn moron. 

 

*******

 

The following days were excruciating. Hongbin was constantly on edge because he expected Sanghyuk to appear every time he turned a corner. He had barely left the house, and Jaehwan was starting to worry about him. Once, Jaehwan started to worry, Taekwoon would try to talk to Hongbin a few days later. Hongbin kept quiet and just told them that it was his usual phase, that the depression had simply kicked in. He couldn’t tell them that Sanghyuk was back. It would only lead to chaos and danger. A danger that he couldn’t measure yet. 

 

Hongbin was still trying to live a regular life. Worked his ass off during the week and spent his free time with his friends. It was easier said than done when you were being paranoid all the time. He forgot his medication too often and had even screamed at Jaehwan last night. Of course, he had apologized immediately, but he could still see the shocked expression on his best friend’s face. He never wanted to see that again, so he really had to get a grip on himself. 

 

He had the weekend off but sadly Jaehwan had to work the morning shift, which meant that Hongbin had to eat breakfast alone. He had never been a breakfast person and simply drank a coffee that would nourish him until it was time for lunch. Today, he had visited a coffee shop for a change. First, they didn’t have any coffee at home anymore, and he was too lazy to go grocery shopping. Second, it got him out of the flat and out of his comfort zone as well. He had to learn to be among people again without freaking out. So far it had worked. The coffee shop was rather small and only had a few tables, but most people got their coffee to go anyway. Only Hongbin and two girls were currently in the shop as well as the staff, of course. 

 

It was a pretty slow morning and it seemed as if everyone took their time for once, instead of running from one place to another. Hongbin loved those mornings because then nothing mattered besides him and his coffee. Usually, his mind would run wild with thoughts about Sanghyuk or if the others were safe, but for once it was still. There were no worries or fears hunting him, and it was weird but also very relaxing. He just sat there and watched the passerby on the streets while drinking his coffee. 

 

“Beautiful morning, right?” And his inner peace was smashed into tiny little pieces. Hongbin gulped and forced his eyes from the window and instead focused on the person that had just sat down in front of him. Taekwoon had a tiny smile on his lips that he usually only showed when he was around Hakyeon. Hongbin furrowed his eyebrows but greeted his friend anyway. So Jaehwan had talked to Taekwoon on the phone yesterday. He had excused himself while they had been watching a movie to make an important call. Hongbin should’ve known that Jaehwan would call Taekwoon. 

 

“What brings you here? Jaehwan’s request?” Hongbin came straight to the point because he hated acting as if he didn’t already know why Taekwoon was here in the first place. His friend lost his smile and stared at his coffee for a few seconds. 

 

“Jaehwan told me that you snapped at him yesterday and you’ve been acting weird for the past few days. It was rather unusual, and I wanted to talk about it with you,” answered Taekwoon honestly, all in work mode. Hongbin really didn’t feel like having a session right now, especially not out in the open. 

 

“Our next session is on Thursday, so can’t we talk about it then?” grumbled Hongbin around his cup of coffee. 

 

“No, it can’t. It seems as if something happened to you to trigger this change. Do you have to tell me something?” 

 

“Why do I feel like a child that did something naughty?”

 

“Maybe you did.”

 

“I didn’t, and there’s nothing more to say,” declared Hongbin and was about to stand up but Taekwoon’s look kept him rooted in his place. There was irritation and worry behind those dark eyes. It was a rarity to see anything in them for most of the time. 

 

“Hongbin you can’t run away from my questions. We want what’s best for you, but we can’t do that if you don’t talk to us.”

 

“Why can’t you just leave me alone for once? Stop trying to help me when I don’t want it. I had a bad few days, so what? It happens!” snapped Hongbin. He wouldn’t be guilt-tripped like that. Sure, they always wanted the best for him but force it onto him. 

 

“You screamed at Jaehwan because he accidentally wore one of your socks. That kind of behavior raises questions. You can’t expect us to just live with your mood swings,” stated Taekwoon and made Hongbin feel guilty for his behavior from yesterday once again. He had freaked out because he had really thought that Sanghyuk might see Jaehwan in his socks and assume things. He had thought those socks may have cost Jaehwan’s life. It was pure paranoia but Sanghyuk was unpredictable and Hongbin didn’t want to risk anything. 

 

“I think I should talk about this with someone that isn’t biased,” said Hongbin suddenly and Taekwoon’s eyes widened in shock. None of his patients had ever wanted to switch before. This time, it was the only right thing to do because Hongbin simply couldn’t tell Taekwoon everything. 

 

“Are you criticizing me as a psychologist?”

 

“Apparently. Let’s be real Taekwoon. I need to talk to someone that isn’t my friend. Someone that is neutral!” explained Hongbin. Actually, it was pretty obvious why he couldn’t have Taekwoon as his psychologist anymore, and the older one finally seemed to agree. 

 

“You might be right about that because I want to throw some things in your face and that would be very unprofessional. I’ll help you to find someone,” admitted Taekwoon with a sigh before taking a large sip from his coffee. 

 

“Throw what at my face? I’m sorry that I criticized you. You’re great at your job but just not this time.”

 

“I could throw at your face that just a few seconds ago you sounded like Sanghyuk. I listened to him in court, the way he talked. Hongbin, be honest with me as a friend. Is Sanghyuk back?”

 

Hongbin felt as if Taekwoon had slapped in the face. Had he sounded like Sanghyuk? It was probably because he had snarked at Taekwoon, which he never did, but other than that he didn’t understand what his friend meant. He couldn’t possibly become like Sanghyuk. That wasn’t going to happen. He was about to freak out and only belatedly realized that the silence was already an answer to Taekwoon. Still, he tried to save his neck: “No he isn’t, and if he was then I surely wouldn’t tell you. We both know why.”

 

“Because you’re in love with him.”

 

“No, because I want to keep you safe!” said Hongbin and exited the coffee shop, leaving Taekwoon behind. 

 

*******

 

For a while, he had contemplated if he should move out and search for his own flat again. He loved living with Jaehwan, but he was putting his best friend in grave danger. Sanghyuk’s warning still echoed through his brain, especially when Jaehwan was too close to him. They had always been touchy in their friendship. It was normal for them to share a bed or sit close together on the sofa, but Hongbin had tried to keep his distance lately. Jaehwan, wonderful as he was, didn’t question his friend's odd behavior and simply accepted it. He still smiled at Hongbin but didn’t try to initiate any kind of physical contact. It killed Hongbin to push his friend away but it was for the better.

 

 

Maybe he was just being paranoid for always watching his back and trying to please Sanghyuk, even though he wasn’t there. He just felt as if Sanghyuk would know whenever he did something wrong. Maybe the younger one could read it in his eyes or something along the lines. Surely, Sanghyuk wouldn’t bother to watch Hongbin all the time. He had better things to do. Hongbin didn’t know what these things were but maybe it was better to be oblivious when it came to that. 

 

Jaehwan had two weeks off from work, and it had been planned that they would visit his parents together but Hongbin had backed out last minute. A few days before he had received a note from Sanghyuk to meet during the time of the visit. Hongbin didn’t want to face his wrath and had told Jaehwan that he wasn’t up for a trip. For once, Jaehwan hadn’t accepted a simple no. 

 

_“What’s up with you? We have planned this for weeks, and my parents have already planned out our whole trip, and now you leave me hanging?” asked Jaehwan disappointed and even started to pout. Hongbin felt bad immediately, but he just couldn’t leave. He didn’t want to miss the meeting with Sanghyuk._

 

_“It’s just- I can’t go okay. I have my reasons!” mumbled Hongbin weakly and looked at his feet. He couldn’t bear to look into Jaehwan’s disappointed eyes that tried to pry the truth out of him._

 

_“And you can’t tell me, your best friend, those reasons?”_

 

_“No!”_

 

_“Ugh fine then suffer in your own misery. I’m really trying to help you out of this horrible hole that you’re in but you dig deeper and deeper and I’m afraid that I can’t follow you. This time you took it too far. Really Hongbin. For once, I’m really pissed at you!” snapped Jaehwan, which was rather unusual. Well, he might snap at other people but not at Hongbin. He was always civil and affectionate with Hongbin, but not this time. Hongbin had really hit a nerve._

 

_“It’s just a trip. It’s not like we’re getting married!” Those words seemed to be like a slap in the face because Jaehwan looked bewildered for a moment. Hongbin could literally see that his friend wanted to explode, wanted to scream at him, but he didn’t. Instead, his face turned into a hard, angry mask. An image that Hongbin surely wouldn’t forget._

 

_“You wanna be like that, okay! Just don’t talk to me for the next few weeks, I can’t stand to hear or see you right now!” Said Jaehwan and left the room. He didn’t even say goodbye once he left. Hongbin was left alone in their flat with a bad conscience and guilt gnawing on his insides._

 

 

*******

 

On the day of his meeting with Sanghyuk, he had put on his best clothes, had tried to style his hair and showered at least two times. He wanted to look his best for Sanghyuk, which was more than ridiculous because Sanghyuk wouldn’t care about that. Sure, he would love to wreck Hongbin’s perfect look but nothing more. There would be no compliments or even an acknowledgment of Hongbin’s looks. So Hongbin wondered why he bothered with it in the first place. 

 

That night, he sat in a cafe, the place Sanghyuk had told him to be and waited for Sanghyuk. He had waited until they closed and waited another hour in front of the cafe until he had decided to go home. He went back to that cafe three more times but Sanghyuk didn’t come. Once again, he had played with Hongbin. He had wanted to see if Hongbin did exactly what he told him to do and like an obedient puppet, Hongbin had followed his every order. He had canceled the vacation for nothing and now he felt even worse for fighting with Jaehwan. It had all been for naught. Should he catch sight of Sanghyuk again then the younger one was in for some real trouble. 

 

Luckily once Jaehwan came back, the fight was forgotten, and they went back to their usual easy relationship. Hongbin stopped caring about what Sanghyuk might do, a very reckless thing to do, and became touchy with Jaehwan again. They went back to their normal relationship, and Jaehwan seemed relieved when he noticed that Hongbin was acting normally again. They hung out, shared a bed and their clothes again, as they always had done. There was still worry nagging at the back of his mind, but Hongbin easily ignored it. He just wanted to live his life again without fear. He had enough being Sanghyuk’s puppet and wouldn’t budge that easily anymore. 

 

He had lived with this motto for at least a week until something happened. He and Jaehwan had been on their way to the park, about to cross a street when a car came speeding towards them and nearly hit Jaehwan. They were shocked for the rest of the day because they had never seen something like this before. The car hadn’t even slowed for a second, aiming directly at Jaehwan who had been fast enough to escape, luckily. Hongbin didn’t believe that this was a coincidence. Someone had tried to kill Jaehwan on purpose and there was only one person who would dare to do that. 

 

*******

Hongbin still thought about the incident while Jaehwan had simply shrugged it off. Or at least it seemed so. Some nights, he was the one to soothe Jaehwan and hold him until he fell asleep. Hongbin tried to pull away again, but Jaehwan was having none of that. He simply didn’t understand that this had happened to him because of Hongbin in the first place. At least, that’s what Hongbin thought. There had been no message from Sanghyuk after the incident but Hongbin was pretty sure that he was behind it. 

 

He thought about that as he walked down the street towards his flat. A few minutes ago, he had escorted Jaehwan to the train station, to make sure that he safely entered the train. Jaehwan was spending the weekend at his parent's place. He had said that he needed a bit of fresh air and had even invited Hongbin to come with him but Hongbin had declined. He wasn’t really up for traveling right now and would rather spend some time at home. Maybe he would go over to Taekwoon’s flat for dinner but other than that he wanted some solitude. Or rather he needed some time to question every decision he had ever made in his life, especially those that had led him to Sanghyuk. Yes, he liked to drown in his own misery. 

 

When he was about to turn into his street, he noticed that a black very sleek car was following him. It was a pricey one as well, something that was rather unusual in his neighborhood. He felt how panic started to bloom inside of him, but he tried to keep his tempo and stay calm. He only became nervous when the car wouldn’t stop following him. Every cell inside of his body screamed at him that he should run as fast as he could, but his body didn’t listen to him, as it liked to do. Instead of running, he stopped in his tracks and turned towards the car that had stopped at his side. 

 

The window rolled down, and Hongbin wasn’t even remotely shocked when he looked into Sanghyuk’s handsome face. The younger one was wearing sunglasses, which looked horribly awesome mixed with his blonde hair. As usual, there was a smirk on his lips, and he was in a rather expensive looking suit. Everything about him screamed pretentious bastard and Hongbin wanted to punch him. Tear him apart for daring to smirk when he had left Hongbin waiting and had nearly killed Jaehwan as well. However, there was also that urge to kiss Sanghyuk silly. Hongbin really hated himself sometimes. 

 

“Hop in,” ordered Sanghyuk in a light voice as if it was completely normal that he offered Hongbin a ride. The older one was pissed at that casual behavior and simply crossed his arms in front of his chest before saying: “Give me one good reason why I should hop in your car!”

 

“Because I love you?” offered Sanghyuk lamely, which made Hongbin’s heart stop for just a second before his rational mind told him that he couldn’t believe a word that came out of Sanghyuk’s pretty mouth. 

 

“Worst lie you have ever told.”

 

“Oh come on, Babe. Are you angry because I left you hanging?”

 

“That and the fact that you tried to kill Jaehwan!” Hissed Hongbin, but Sanghyuk only shrugged with his shoulders as if it was just something that happened on a regular basis. 

 

“Oh, you mean the car? Yeah, I arranged it, but I might have overreacted.”

 

“Might have? I’m going home, and you should leave me alone!”

 

“I wasn’t offering you a ride. Hop in!” Sanghyuk’s voice sounded harder, more demanding, but Hongbin didn’t listen. He stepped closer and spat into Sanghyuk’s face: “I’m not following orders!”

 

“Oh really?” mused Sanghyuk with an amused smile before he took hold of Hongbin’s shirt and pulled him closer to the window. It was an awkward angle, but the kiss was mind-blowing nonetheless. Sanghyuk knew that his lips were his best weapon to get Hongbin to do anything he wanted. Hongbin sighed into their kiss, enjoying the way their lips moved against each other. A few moments later, Sanghyuk broke the kiss and repeated: “Hop in.”

 

This time, Hongbin followed the order obediently. The kiss had weakened his resolve and, he was mad at himself for always falling for the same maneuvers. Sanghyuk started the motor of the car again before they drove off. He looked really hot while driving and Hongbin scoffed at himself for thinking like a schoolgirl. 

 

“Where are we going?” Asked Hongbin, once he noticed that they were leaving the city. He was panicking a bit because Sanghyuk might try to kidnap him. The younger one only smiled and squeezed Hongbin’s thigh, easily distracting him from the streets. 

 

“Tonight, you’ll get to know my parents!” 


	3. PART THREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support so far. I love reading your comments. They always make me smile and brighten my day ❤︎  
> Also @LKChoi & @NerdyTrashyFunny, I loved your theory about the graves, let's see if it holds up ;) 
> 
> **Warning:** psychological abuse and manipulation, anxiety, mentions of murder, angst

**PART THREE**

\---

_Welcome to my dark side. It's gonna be a long night - Dark Side, Bishop Briggs_

\---

Sanghyuk drove them out of the city and into the surrounding neighborhood where most of the wealthy people lived. Of course, Sanghyuk’s parents would live in the suburbs instead of the city. Hongbin still tried to process the news that he was going to see Sanghyuk’s parents for the first time. He was in casual clothes, not really adequate for meeting such rich people and he wasn’t mentally prepared whatsoever. He didn’t even know what he should tell them. They had seen him at court, talking about their son like a subject, claiming that their son was a psychopath. What the hell was Sanghyuk thinking?

 

“Relax, my parents are not that bad, at least not at first. They’re terribly nice to strangers,” said Sanghyuk as an attempt to soothe Hongbin’s frayed nerves. The latter couldn’t stop his sarcastic remark: “Even strangers that diagnosed their son as a psychopath?”

 

“You’ll be fine, don’t worry,” was Sanghyuk’s simple answer, as if he had no worry in the world. This was all massively fucked up. Hongbin was sitting in the car with a killer that had been on the run for half a year and was going to be introduced to his parents. This was wrong on so many levels. Hongbin couldn’t even wrap his mind around it. 

 

“May I ask why you can even walk around this freely. Aren’t you a criminal fugitive?”

 

“My father cleared my name. As I have told you before, money solves nearly all problems.”

 

“You killed three people, and they let you walk around because your father gave them a few thousand bucks?” asked Hongbin horrified. Why had he even sat in that courtroom, warning them not to let Sanghyuk out again? It had all been for naught because the younger one was as free as a bird and could do whatever he wanted to do without facing consequences. 

 

“That’s how the world works, Hongbin. They don’t care that I might kill again, that I’m a danger to everyone, as you have said. They don’t care as long as they get money and my father pays them handsomely,” explained Sanghyuk cooly, his eyes focused on the streets. 

 

“Your father must really care about you,” assumed Hongbin, but he saw how Sanghyuk’s face darkened. There was a grim look on his usually perfect mask. It didn’t suit him at all. 

 

“My father only cares about his name, about his company. Nothing more!” Hissed Sanghyuk and Hongbin was able to discern loathing behind those words. An emotion that Sanghyuk had never shown before. He had really done some sloppy work during their sessions. He should’ve dug deeper, not believing everything Sanghyuk told him. Hongbin had simply been distracted by his mixed emotions. Now, he admitted openly that he was in love with Sanghyuk and was able to see behind the perfect mask, even if it was just a tiny bit. 

 

They stayed silent during the rest of the ride. Only the car vibrated underneath them as they drove towards a huge house. Well, it was more a mansion than a house. The driveway alone had probably cost a fortune with only the finest flowers, all in perfect shape and color. Hongbin gaped at the enormous building and the way it looked golden in the light of the sunset. Sanghyuk stopped the car right in front of it and only glanced at it once before he got out of the car. It took him a few seconds, but Hongbin followed obediently. They stood next to each other, facing the mansion. Hongbin watched it with wonder while there was nothing in Sanghyuk’s eyes, only the usual cold look. He grabbed Hongbin’s hand and pulled him towards the entrance. 

 

A butler or some kind of servant was waiting for them and greeted Sanghyuk with a nod. It was polite but Hongbin saw the fear and hate inside those eyes. He had had probably the same look when he had looked at Sanghyuk for the first time. Now, he looked like a love-drunk fool. The servant nodded at Hongbin as well with surprise flashing through his eyes. He hadn’t expected a guest. 

 

They walked through a spacious hallway, not stopping, so Hongbin wasn’t able to admire his surroundings. Sanghyuk had seen this all his life and wouldn’t stop to look at it now. Hongbin simply let himself be pulled forwards because there was no use in fighting Sanghyuk. He would lose anyway. 

 

“I’ll give you the grand tour later. Let’s eat something first,” suggested Sanghyuk with his smooth voice and pulled Hongbin closer to him. They had stopped in front of a big white door that probably led to the room where Sanghyuk’s parents were waiting for them. Hongbin was worried about that first meeting, but he could barely concentrate on that when he was this close to Sanghyuk. His smell always made him dizzy. 

 

“Yeah, sure,” agreed Hongbin, eyeing Sanghyuk’s lips hungrily. They formed into a smirk, and Sanghyuk squeezed his hips. It was a gesture that made Hongbin’s blood boil. Sanghyuk hadn’t only bought him here to meet his parents, that was for sure and Hongbin couldn’t wait for the dinner to be over. 

 

They entered the room, and Hongbin’s eyes witnessed the most beautiful room that he would ever see in his life. High ceilings, white wooden walls with intricate designs and a chandelier that was probably made of diamonds. Surely, he was gaping, but how could he not? He had never seen such luxury before and he would probably never again. Sanghyuk took the sight for granted and simply walked on. He stalked towards two figures that were standing in front of an antique looking sofa. One was a tall man with broad shoulders and already greying her, while the other figure was a smaller woman with dark hair and a beautiful smile. Sanghyuk shared more similarities with his father, especially those cold eyes. His mother seemed like the exact opposite, a bright woman with a dazzling smile, but Hongbin could be wrong. Maybe she was just a good actress as her son. 

 

“Darling, you’re home already! And you bought someone with you?” Mrs. Han’s voice was shrill, too high for Hongbin’s poor ears. He tried very hard not to cringe but probably failed. 

 

“Don’t play dumb mother, you recognize him. It’s the psychologist from court, Dr. Lee Hongbin!” snarled Sanghyuk, clearly not pleased by his mother’s over the top behavior. Hongbin felt more awkward with every passing second. Mr. Han scanned Hongbin warily but didn’t say a word. 

 

“Oh, well, welcome to our home, Dr. Lee. Will you join us for dinner?” asked Mrs. Han politely and Hongbin was about to open his mouth before Sanghyuk decided to answer for him instead: “Yes, he will join us for dinner.”

 

“Can’t he answer himself?” Mr. Han’s voice was a deep booming sound and to be quiet honest it frightened Hongbin. Surely, Sanghyuk’s father wasn’t a person that one should mess with.

 

“I think he’s a bit overwhelmed, honey,” said Mrs. Han carefully and shot a sympathetic smile towards Hongbin. It seemed quiete condescending. 

 

“I’m alright, Ma’am, but yes, I was a bit overwhelmed.”

 

“Surely since my son brought you here for no reason. Did you kidnap your ex-psychologist?” asked Mr. Han, directing his eyes towards his son who finally took off his sunglasses. Their cold eyes met, and it was a battle of will. A battle that Sanghyuk won. No one could stand to look into those eyes for too long, not even Mr. Han. 

 

“I did no such thing father. Hongbin came with me on his own free will!”

 

“No one is going to be murdered under my roof. You got that? You did enough damage in Europe,” warned Mr. Han, anger hidden behind his words. Sanghyuk only scoffed at his father’s words. 

 

“I’m not going to kill Hongbin. He’s more use alive than dead.” Sanghyuk’s eyes roamed Hongbin’s body hungrily, literally stripping him off his clothing. The older one tried hard not to shudder and ignored the sparks of lust that set his body on fire. 

 

“Well, it’s rather unusual that you invite guests to dinner, so you’ll have to understand why we’re wondering about this,” explained Mrs. Han softly. She was trying so hard to be a decent person that it nearly broke Hongbin’s heart. She looked at Sanghyuk with the eyes of a loving mother, even though she knew that she was looking at a murder. 

 

“How about you stop wondering mother and be a decent host and show us to the dining room,” suggested Sanghyuk in a smooth voice but the order was clear. His mother changed her whole posture immediately. Her body angled towards Hongbin and she gave him her best bright smile while saying cheerily: “Of course. Would you please follow me, Dr. Lee?”

 

She walked ahead towards another door that most probably lead to said dining room. Hongbin and Sanghyuk followed while Mr. Han went to get himself a brandy or something stronger. Sanghyuk was walking very close to Hongbin and the way he had looked at him just a few minutes ago must’ve been obvious to his parents. They had certainly noticed that there was something between Sanghyuk and Hongbin. Something that definitely pushed the boundaries of psychologist and patient. Either they were horribly oblivious or simply liked to ignore the obvious. 

 

“What happened in Europe?” whispered Hongbin. Mr. Han’s words still echoed through his mind and made his stomach drop. He was sure that Sanghyuk had killed again. He had diagnosed that Sanghyuk would kill again and he had just been waiting for a hint. 

 

“I’ll tell you later. I’ll tell you a lot of things later!” answered Sanghyuk, lips close to Hongbin’s ear while one hand shortly slipped underneath Hongbin’s shirt. He dragged his nails over the scar he had left and Hongbin had to bite his lip to stop himself from moaning. That had been a hint of what might happen later and, Hongbin had never wanted to skip dinner as bad as right now. 

 

*******

 

Hongbin hadn’t eaten this well in a while, well besides when he had dinner at Taekwoon’s place. They only served the best meat, only the best wine and also only the best chocolate pudding that money could buy. He would’ve enjoyed this dinner immensely if he had been surrounded by his friends. However, he was stuck at a rather tense family dinner with the Hans. Sanghyuk and Mr. Han either dueled each other via eye contact or dug around in their food. Hongbin silently watched them while he tried not to inhale his meal and Mrs. Han chattered cheerily as if this wasn’t awkward at all. 

 

“Are you still working at the clinic, Dr. Lee?” asked Mrs. Han rather suddenly. Hongbin had noticed that she liked to jump from one topic to another. Hongbin was a bit caught off guard this time and for once, even Sanghyuk and his father seemed interested in the topic. At least, they all stared at Hongbin, waiting for an answer. 

 

“Actually no. I’m on sick leave,” answered Hongbin honestly after swallowing his bite. Sanghyuk frowned for a second before his face formed itself back into a perfectly calm mask. 

 

“Oh dear, is it something bad?” Mrs. Han was worried immediately or she was simply a very good actress. 

 

“Nothing physical, Ma’am. I’m well, not in the right place mentally to do my job.”

 

“You’re insane? Like my son?” asked Mr. Han, his voice cold and hard. It felt as if he had whipped Hongbin with his words. Hongbin tried hard to keep his countenance and formed his hands into fists under the table. One of Sanghyuk’s warm big hands settled on his thigh and squeezed it. It was an encouragement and it made his heart beat faster, but he was sure that it was just another strategy to make him fall even harder for Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk did everything for a reason, mostly those that benefited himself. 

 

“First of all Sir, your son is not technically insane. No psychologist or psychiatrist would diagnose him as that. Second, I’m not insane either. I’m not fit to help my patients when I suffer from a mental illness as well. However, I’m still trying to help people. I’m working on a helpline so that all the years of studying weren’t a complete waste of time,” elucidated Hongbin, hoping that this answer would satisfy Mr. Han, but he was wrong. If Sanghyuk had learned his behavior from one person then it was his father. 

 

“Why work on a helpline and not face your real patients?”

 

“On that helpline, I don’t officially work as a psychologist, so I can’t be sued when something goes wrong. That's the whole point, and my employer won’t take that risk.”

 

“That’s enough serious talk, right? I’m sure Dr. Lee doesn’t want to go into more detail either. Have I told you about our new neighbors yet, honey?” Mrs. Han was excellent in changing the topic easily and trying to lift the mood again, but the tenseness didn’t leave the room. It stayed and infected them all like a parasite. Hongbin had to force the rest of his meal down his throat and nodded whenever Mrs. Han looked at him. The only thing that kind of soothed him was Sanghyuk’s hand that still rested on his thigh. 

 

*******

 

He was only able to breathe properly again, once they left the dining room and Sanghyuk dragged him far away from his parents. 

 

“Well, that was the worst torture you ever put me through,” said Hongbin dryly. He couldn’t believe he was joking about this, but his whole life was turned upside down. He wasn’t the same anymore. Sanghyuk laughed at that as he pulled Hongbin into a room and closed the door behind them. Only now, the younger one seemed to relax as well. Hongbin surveyed the new room. It had a humongous fireplace that was lit up. Its fire filled the room with an incredible warmth. Besides the fireplace, there were a lot of filled bookcases, a desk, and a queen-sized bed. There were no personal items that showed that this room belonged to someone, so Hongbin assumed that they were in one of the guest rooms. 

 

A heavy sigh ripped Hongbin from his thoughts, and his eyes wandered to Sanghyuk. The latter took off his suit jacket and shoes before he loosened his tie. His body seemed more relaxed as if he had held himself back during that dinner. Hongbin approached the younger one carefully. 

 

“I really hate them,” sighed Sanghyuk and it nearly broke Hongbin’s heart. Of course, the younger one wouldn’t apologize for that dinner. He never apologized for anything, why start now? Hongbin didn’t really care about that anyway because he was too focused on Sanghyuk and his words. He should’ve dug deeper in their sessions because he realized that Sanghyuk’s relationship with his parents wasn’t as peachy as he may have thought. Hongbin had made some grave mistakes during his time as Sanghyuk’s psychologist. 

 

Sanghyuk suddenly turned around, and he almost looked tired. Exhausted from the dinner and keeping a straight face. Hongbin didn’t know if this expression was real or just another Oscar-worthy performance of the younger one. Sanghyuk came closer so that they were both standing in front of the chimney. They probably looked like a couple in a romantic movie, but it definitely didn’t feel romantic. The atmosphere was thick and way too silent. Hongbin didn’t dare to say anything and simply watched Sanghyuk, who touched the back of Hongbin’s neck carefully. At first, he tenderly massaged the skin, which made Hongbin relax immediately. He always melted underneath the younger one’s touches. 

 

“You wanted to know about my time in Europe, right?” breathed Sanghyuk against his lips and Hongbin was only able to nod dumbly because he was already too intoxicated by Sanghyuk’s smell. Their lips grazed each other, which made Hongbin hyperaware of every place that Sanghyuk touched his body. The back of his neck felt as if it was burning underneath Sanghyuk’s fingertips. He needed to be closer to him. Their bodies needed to touch, especially their lips, but Sanghyuk kept his distance. He was close enough to have Hongbin wanting more without giving him anything. That was how their relationship worked. He pulled Hongbin close, gave him a taste before he retreated and Hongbin ran after him like an obedient dog. If Hongbin had any self-respect then he would go right now and never come back, but that wasn’t the case. There was no self-respect left inside of him and he simply gave into Sanghyuk. It was easier than trying to fight it. Sometimes it was easier to simply give up. 

 

Sanghyuk pulled away completely and Hongbin desperately ached for his touch but stayed rooted in his place. Even though he was standing next to a fire, he felt cold without Sanghyuk’s presence. The younger one seemed to search for something in one of the filled bookcases.

 

“Is this your room?” asked Hongbin suddenly, but Sanghyuk didn’t seem surprised. He had probably figured that Hongbin might ask sooner or later. 

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Seems so impersonal.”

 

“What did you expect? Pictures of bloody corpses everywhere?” Sanghyuk had stopped his search and looked at Hongbin, who simply shrugged before answering: “No, I didn’t expect you to show me your room, that is all.”

 

“Do you feel honored?” asked Sanghyuk, a bit more into the conversation than before. 

 

“A bit,” was Hongbin’s honest answer, which made Sanghyuk grin. Hongbin had once again played right into Sanghyuk’s hands. It made him sick that he fell for everything the younger one did. That he romanticized his every move, but his brain probably couldn’t accept the truth. Accept that Sanghyuk controlled and used him like a puppet. 

 

“Ah there we go,” said Sanghyuk and pulled out a folder that had been stored between all the books. Finally, the younger one stalked over to Hongbin again and pressed the folder into his hands. Sanghyuk’s fingers were bizarrely cold against his own hot once, but he loved the difference. A shudder went down his spine and Sanghyuk grinned at him before he nodded at the folder. As usual, Hongbin followed the silent order and opened the folder obediently. 

 

There were several newspaper articles, a few of them in Italian, French and English. Hongbin directed a curious gaze at Sanghyuk shortly who simply nodded at the file again. Hongbin sighed and tried to decipher what those articles meant. All those articles covered murders that happened during the time Sanghyuk had been to those countries. Luckily, there were no gruesome pictures or else he might’ve thrown up his dinner. He ruffled through all of the articles. There were at least six different ones, all reporting about a different case, though they all had the same basic pattern. Families had been targeted, nuclear families to be more specific. Mother, father and always a son. Hongbin felt how his knees started to shake as the truth of what those articles meant finally sunk in. Cold sweat formed on his forehead and his heartbeat thundered loudly in his ears. 

 

“You killed those families,” whispered Hongbin as he closed the file. His eyes couldn’t focus on Sanghyuk yet. His mind was still processing all those new information, and he couldn’t bear to look at the face of a killer right now. Images formed in his mind where Sanghyuk stabbed those people with cold and calculated swiftness. How he enjoyed their pain and took everything from them. His knees buckled but he managed to stay upright. It was important that he wasn’t showing any weakness now. 

 

“You sound surprised. Weren’t you the one that said that I would kill again, once I’m free. Well, I did,” said Sanghyuk relaxed and watched Hongbin closely. He had given Hongbin new information and loved to see him struggle. It was also a test, or at least that’s how it felt to Hongbin. Sanghyuk was testing him if he would still stay with him or run away. Hongbin didn’t know what to say or do. 

 

“You- … I-“

 

“Did you really think that I would become a better man because I spared you? Oh, darling, you’re very wrong,” scoffed Sanghyuk and took a step closer. Every word was a stab, a well-placed stab into Hongbin’s heart. 

 

“You didn’t kill me because I don’t fall into your usual pattern,” mumbled Hongbin, realizing that he had just survived by chance. He had known that Sanghyuk hadn’t kept him alive out of love or affection, but still, a part of him had hoped that the younger one might feel the same. 

 

“Ah, we’re getting closer to the truth. Did you think that I did it out of love?” asked Sanghyuk softly, but his words were once again daggers. He took another step closer, picking the file from Hongbin’s hand and throwing it somewhere. His presence distracted Hongbin, but those headlines still circulated through his brain. He had always known better when it came to Sanghyuk, but had chosen to ignore it. Now, his heart had to suffer the consequences. It ached and he wanted to cry and scream and punch Sanghyuk but in the end, he only leaned closer into the younger one’s warmth. 

 

“No, I know better than that,” whispered Hongbin and finally lifted his eyes, meeting Sanghyuk’s cold stare. There was nothing in those dark eyes, nothing that helped Hongbin to soothe his aching heart. Still, Sanghyuk’s affectionate gestures softened him, made the pain bearable for a moment. Sanghyuk was massaging his neck again while also pulling him closer. He whispered against Hongbin’s lips: “And still you’re disappointed.”

 

"I fucking hate your guts,” hissed Hongbin which only earned him a laugh from Sanghyuk. Everything he said was a joke to the younger one. 

 

“We both know that you’re lying. Why don’t you start asking me all those questions that burn on the back of your tongue, hm?” Sanghyuk took hold of his hair and stretched his head to the side so that he had free access to Hongbin’s neck. The latter simply let it happen, too weak to fight off Sanghyuk’s advances. Also, he didn’t want to fight them off, he needed them. 

 

“Did these families represent your family?” asked Hongbin breathlessly as Sanghyuk pressed soft kisses against his neck. Every touch of Sanghyuk’s felt soft and pleasing as if he wanted to distract Hongbin from the horrible things his hands had done in Europe. 

 

“Hmm, I thought you might ask something different, but yes they might,” mused Sanghyuk against his skin and Hongbin only rolled his eyes at this vague answer. So typical. 

 

“You’re not giving me straight answers, are you?”

 

“You love my games.”

 

“No, not right now,” admitted Hongbin and Sanghyuk met his eyes again. He pulled Hongbin’s head forwards so that their brows were pressed against each other. Their lips grazed each other and Hongbin wanted nothing more than to connect them and stop this conversation. He wanted to forget what Sanghyuk had done, but the latter wanted to make sure that he would never forget. Hongbin hated him, especially for his next words in that soothing voice: “Okay, I promise I’ll be honest. Yes, those families represent my parents and me.”

 

“What is your reasoning behind that?”

 

“Can’t stop being a psychologist, can you?”

 

“And you can’t stop being an asshole!”

 

“You better put that mouth to good use later or I might become angry with you,” warned Sanghyuk and grabbed Hongbin’s throat. He squeezed it to emphasize his warning, but Hongbin didn’t feel fear. Quiete the opposite, arousal and excitement spread through his body. He knew exactly what Sanghyuk might do to him and he had started to like to play with fire. 

 

“You wouldn’t kill me,” stated Hongbin confidently, which made Sanghyuk smile. Stupid bastard. 

 

“Maybe, but there are so many other things I could do to you,” said the younger one and his free hand wandered underneath Hongbin’s shirt, pressing his fingers against the scar. Hongbin bit his lip to suppress the moan that might’ve slipped from his tongue. 

 

“Is that a threat?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Will you answer the question?” sighed Hongbin, not up for any further discussions.

 

“Because you asked so nicely. It’s probably obvious. I hate my family. I hate that we lie to everyone with our smiles and perfectly clean house. We’re all hiding corpses in our closets. Well, quiete literally in my case,” explained Sanghyuk clinically but had to slightly smile at the end. 

 

“Yeah, I get it. You’re the killer of the family.” Hongbin rolled his eyes and received a warning squeeze around his throat again. That squeeze made his body throb in rather inappropriate places and he wanted more, but Sanghyuk never gave him what he wanted. The younger one loosened his grip and instead pulled Hongbin’s head back. His lips pressed soft kisses against the skin again. 

 

“Well said. My father is as much a psychopath as I am, only that he doesn’t kill people but simply steals everything they have with his company. My mother is a real sweetheart, but she drinks a lot to keep herself sane, as she says. She spreads rumors whenever she can and destroyed other people’s lives as well.”

 

“Were they ever abusive towards you?”

 

“Never physically but my father has a way with words as you might have noticed. His words always felt like a whiplash.”

 

“Hence why you whip your victims,” realized Hongbin, which made Sanghyuk smile against his skin as he sucked a mark into it. Hongbin gasped and clung to Sanghyuk’s hair. His mind was hazy, but he still tried to focus on their conversation. 

 

“Nice work Sherlock Holmes. All I want to do is destroy that perfect mask of a family, but as you see it doesn’t work. I’m a free man, walking down the streets with the blood of seven families on my hands. My father will keep my name clear for as long as he can because he doesn’t want the bad publicity, as he put it.”

 

“Families died, people are grieving, and all he can think about is the reputation of his company?”

 

“I only learned from the best,” responded Sanghyuk and for the first time his voice sounded slightly bitter or Hongbin was starting to imagine things. 

 

“Sadly, I have to agree with you,” murmured Hongbin before gasping as Sanghyuk sank his teeth into the soft skin of his neck. He would have to come up with a good explanation for all those marks once Jaehwan saw them. Hongbin wasn’t the type to let himself be marked, but it was different with Sanghyuk. His best friend would immediately know that something was off. 

 

“Do you think I would be a different man if I had grown up with a different family?” asked Sanghyuk, honest interest reflecting in his voice. Hongbin wished that his brain was working properly so he could give Sanghyuk a professional answer, but he was only able to form a weak: “You might.”

 

“Any other questions?”

 

“Do you love me?” It slipped from his lips before he could stop himself and he already regretted asking because he knew the answer and he didn’t like it. Sanghyuk reclined his head so that they would be able to look into each other’s eyes again. Hongbin would rather stare into the sun than face Sanghyuk right now. 

 

“No, but you already know that,” answered the younger one honestly. Hongbin felt a lump at the back of his throat and how tears wanted to spill from his eyes, but he still had some dignity left. 

 

“Still hurts.”

 

“Don’t cry, darling. Just because I don’t love you doesn’t mean that I don’t feel something for you,” Sanghyuk tried to soothe his aching heart and usually it would work, but Hongbin was seriously hurt. For the first time, he seemed to realize for real that he meant nothing to Sanghyuk. That his feelings were really hopeless and that he went through hell for nothing every day. 

 

“I’m just a puppet to you,” whispered Hongbin, even closer to tears now. 

 

“But you like being one, don’t you? Or else you wouldn’t be here,” stated Sanghyuk simply and softly stroked Hongbin’s cheek. His gestures were so soft, but his words were like daggers. 

 

“I hate every single second of it. I hate that I jump whenever you call me and that I do whatever you want me to do,” admitted Hongbin. It felt good to say these words. He had kept them to himself for far too long and he wanted to throw them into Sanghyuk’s face. The latter wouldn’t care anyway that he had hurt Hongbin. It wouldn’t change anything, but they needed to be said. 

 

“Then just walk away from me,” suggested Sanghyuk with a smile, knowing that it was impossible. He had Hongbin wrapped around his finger. 

 

“I can’t. Any normal person would’ve walked away from you the first time they met you or they would’ve at least left once they got to know that you killed another six families, but here I am. I’m still standing here because I’m so desperately in love with you. It would hurt me more to leave you than to stay with you. Both options sound terrible to me, but I chose the latter because…” 

 

“Because what?”

 

“Because I’m a really fucked up person,” admitted Hongbin, happy to finally say it. Sanghyuk smiled at him, it was a proud smile, which immediately filled Hongbin with satisfaction. He had pleased Sanghyuk and it exhilarated him. 

 

“Aren’t we all?” reckoned Sanghyuk as he pressed their brows against each other. His words were reassuring, lifting Hongbin’s mode. He was about to slip into a depressing phase, but a few words and gestures from Sanghyuk and he was okay again. Their lips were barely touching and he was craving for a kiss. Craving for even more. He wanted more from Sanghyuk, right now. 

 

“I’m seriously crazy for letting this happen after you’ve shown me those articles,” sighed Hongbin as he chased Sanghyuk’s lips, but the younger one pulled away playfully. Hongbin whined softly before he bit his lip. That had been a rather embarrassing sound. 

 

“We’re all a bit crazy, some of us just like to live it out instead of ignoring it.”

 

“Are you going to kiss me now or what?” asked Hongbin a bit annoyed. He was sick of chasing after Sanghyuk and especially of talking. It was time for some action. 

 

“Careful with that pretty mouth of yours,” said Sanghyuk in a warning tone and pressed his thumb against Hongbin’s pulse point. Hongbin felt reckless since he had said all those words. Nothing would happen to him anyway, so he could be more provocative. 

 

“I'll put it to good use, as you already hinted earlier.” 

 

He took Sanghyuk’s hand and sucked the thumb into his mouth. He managed to elicit a growl from Sanghyuk’s throat and saw how his pupils dilated. It gave him a thrill he had never felt before. 

 

“I do hope so or you won’t be able to come tonight!” threatened Sanghyuk, popping his thumb from Hongbin’s mouth before pressing his own mouth against it. Hongbin sighed into the kiss. Finally. Kissing Sanghyuk was addictive, something that he would never get enough of. Their mouths fitted so perfectly against each other and his mouth opened up so easily for Sanghyuk’s tongue. Hongbin didn’t care about their conversation anymore or what he had gotten to know about Sanghyuk tonight. It was all forgotten in a second and only Sanghyuk’s mouth mattered. However, their kiss didn’t last as long as Hongbin would’ve liked. Sanghyuk pulled away a bit and held Hongbin’s chin, opening his mouth slightly. 

 

“How about we finally put your mouth to good use,” proposed Sanghyuk with a suggestive smile and Hongbin felt his body pulse with arousal. He was more than ready. 


	4. PART FOUR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** explicit sexual content (blowjob), psychological abuse and manipulation

**PART FOUR**

\---

_ How can you not walk away after everything I've done? - 27 Hours, Banks _

\---

He didn’t remember how he had ended up on his knees next to the burning chimney while sweat ran down his back. All he was able to focus on was Sanghyuk who was towering over him with a satisfied smile. He had gotten rid of his dress shirt and let Hongbin drink in every detail of his upper body. Sanghyuk was rather generous today, had even allowed Hongbin to open his trousers. 

 

Hongbin gazed at Sanghyuk, their eyes meet and he asked for permission to move one. One of Sanghyuk’s hand caressed his jaw while his thumb opened Hongbin’s mouth slightly before the hand wandered into Hongbin’s hair. He took hold of the dark roots and pushed Hongbin’s head towards his crotch. Hongbin swallowed before he opened his mouth fully and took Sanghyuk’s tip inside of his mouth. Sanghyuk hummed in a pleased tone, and Hongbin closed his eyes, focused his whole concentration on the task at hand. 

 

He opened up his mouth even further and took in more of Sanghyuk who hissed as he felt the wet heat around his cock. He pulled Hongbin’s hair and made him go a bit slower. Hongbin whined in disappointment because he wanted to taste all of Sanghyuk. He pushed his tongue further against the skin inside of his mouth. 

 

“Not so fast, Babe. Let me enjoy the moment,” said Sanghyuk and he sounded a bit out of breath for once. That made Hongbin’s breast swell with pride because he was the one that took Sanghyuk’s breath away. For a moment, he felt as if he was the one in control. The hand in his hair brought him back to earth though and urged him to move a bit further. Thanks to the slow pace, Hongbin’s throat had time to get used to Sanghyuk’s length and width. His jaw was starting to ache, but he didn’t mind the pain one bit. He was so turned on right now that he couldn’t care about anything else but Sanghyuk’s cock inside of his mouth. 

 

Sanghyuk’s free hand caressed Hongbin’s cheek and forced Hongbin to open his eyes. Their eyes met, and Hongbin wanted to come in his pants. Sanghyuk’s hair was perfectly ruffled, his pupils dilated, and his mouth opened in a slight moan. 

 

“I think it’s time to take it all, Babe,” announced the younger one and pushed Hongbin’s head flush against his root. Hongbin wanted to pull away because his throat constricted painfully but Sanghyuk’s hand stopped him from escaping. Tears started to roll down his cheeks due to the pain. 

 

“You can take it! Make me proud, Hongbin,” said Sanghyuk and that was all Hongbin needed to hear. Yes, he wanted nothing more than to please Sanghyuk. He concentrated on his throat and was able to loosen it after a few moments. His breath came short out of his nose, and he felt dizzy, but it was also exhilarating. His hard member was pulsing inside of his pants and was close to bursting. If Hongbin would come just like this, then Sanghyuk wouldn’t be happy, but it was inevitable. 

 

Hongbin hollowed his cheeks and pulled back from Sanghyuk’s length, made sure that his tongue glided across the skin. Sanghyuk hissed loudly which made Hongbin smile lightly. He was doing good, and he knew it. He sucked the tip before it popped out of his mouth. Sanghyuk gripped his chin harder and had a wild look on his face as if he was about to lose control. For a moment, the lust faded from Hongbin’s brain, and he was afraid of Sanghyuk. After all, he still had a psychopath standing in front of him who was capable of anything. 

 

“You better keep that pretty mouth wide open,” hissed Sanghyuk, his voice a few octaves deeper. Lust started to cloud Hongbin’s mind again, still mixed with the sudden fear. It was a toxic mix that was horribly addictive to him, and he wanted more. He licked his lips and opened his mouth wide again. A low growl escaped Sanghyuk before he slipped his cook back into Hongbin’s mouth. The slow pace was lost together with Sanghyuk’s patience as well. 

 

The younger one started to fuck Hongbin’s mouth who was glad that he had his throat more under control than before. It still hurt like a bitch and tears rolled down his cheeks, but he made sure that Sanghyuk got the best fucking blow job of all time. He grasped Sanghyuk’s still clothed thighs and matched his head bobbing movements with Sanghyuk’s thrusts. The latter moaned loudly when Hongbin started to work with him. For just a bit, Hongbin had some control over Sanghyuk and drove him insane. All of this nearly made him go crazy as well, and he was so close to the edge himself. Sometimes, he wondered if he had always been this fucked up or if it was all Sanghyuk’s fault. 

 

Sanghyuk’s thrusts started to become faster and less controlled. Hongbin was still able to keep up and sucked and licked with all his might. Suddenly, Sanghyuk grasped his hair and pulled Hongbin completely down to the root. Hongbin was caught off guard but managed, at the last minute, to get a grip on his gag reflex. Sanghyuk came deep down his throat, and Hongbin tried to swallow everything. Some cum left the corner of his lips, but he managed well. As Sanghyuk lost himself in his orgasm, Hongbin felt his own member pulse, dangerously close to the edge. He just needed a bit more friction. 

 

As if Sanghyuk had read his mind, he shot Hongbin a warning glare, which told him not to come or there would be consequences. Hongbin obeyed and licked up the rest of Sanghyuk’s cum from the corners of his mouth. Sanghyuk smirked and took in Hongbin’s fucked out appearance. 

 

“Did you have a lot of practice these past months?” asked Sanghyuk as his hand wandered through Hongbin’s hair. Hongbin enjoyed the soft touch even though his brain told him that it was just another of Sanghyuk’s manipulative moves.

 

“What? In sucking off dick? I was able to do that before you entered my life,” answered Hongbin with a light laugh and waited for permission to stand up. He didn’t dare and stand up on his own. He would do anything to keep Sanghyuk this pleased. 

 

“With anyone in particular?” mused Sanghyuk, his hands wandered down Hongbin’s face and held his chin. The angle was horrible for Hongbin’s neck, but he wouldn’t budge. 

 

“Are you going to kill off my ex-boyfriends?” asked Hongbin, a slight tremble in his voice. Sanghyuk smiled, but there was no amusement evident in his eyes. There was no emotion whatsoever in those eyes, not even jealousy. Those eyes always made Hongbin feel empty. He yearned to see a spark of affection inside of them, any emotion but he got nothing, and that was the worst. 

 

“Oh Honey, we both know better than that,” laughed Sanghyuk and pressed his index finger underneath Hongbin’s chin. The latter understood the gesture and slowly stood up. His knees ached from crouching on the carpet for too long, and he was still incredibly hard. Sanghyuk didn’t seem to acknowledge his obvious problem. Hongbin tried to ignore it as well and kept the conversation going. 

 

“Honey?”

 

“You don’t like it?”

 

“I didn’t say that,” whispered Hongbin, a bit shyer. Sanghyuk seemed pleased by that reaction. One of his hands tilted Hongbin’s head to the side before he started kissing Hongbin again. It was a slow kiss, one of those kisses that drove Hongbin insane and left him breathless. His member throbbed painfully inside of his pants, and he tried to get closer to Sanghyuk. He just needed a bit more friction, but Sanghyuk was having none of that. He broke their kiss and licked Hongbin’s bottom lip before he said: “Hmm, knew it. How close are you?”

 

“Just a little touch and I’ll burst,” sighed Hongbin and tried to kiss Sanghyuk again but the younger one pulled his head back in a warning. He was in control, and Hongbin wasn’t going to get what he wanted anytime soon. Hongbin wanted to whine, but he also didn’t want to give Sanghyuk that kind of satisfaction. 

 

“Well, we don’t want the fun to end that soon right?”

 

“Don’t torture me again.”

 

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, Honey but I’ll have to leave for an hour,” said Sanghyuk and Hongbin wanted to punch him, throttle him. Anything to make the pain go away. He needed Sanghyuk, and the latter knew that. Most probably he had had it all planned out beforehand. 

 

“Are you kidding me?” whined Hongbin which made Sanghyuk laugh. 

 

“Stay here, be good, and I’ll give you the ride of your life. I mean the ride quite literally,” promised Sanghyuk with a smirk. His lips wandered to Hongbin’s neck and started to suck marks into the skin. Hongbin would have to cover them up or else he would be busted. However, there was a more pressing matter to think about like that promise Sanghyuk just made. Lots of images entered Hongbin’s mind which made him moan out loud. Usually, he would be embarrassed by that, but the thought of riding Sanghyuk was too good. 

 

“You’ll let me?” gasped Hongbin, trying to catch his breath as Sanghyuk marked his soft skin. Sanghyuk grinned against his skin, and his hands wandered towards Hongbin’s ass as he said the next words: “I’ve been thinking about it ever since I saw your pretty ass for the first time.”

 

Fuck. Hongbin doubted that he would be able to wait for an hour. It was so hard to keep himself back already. Sanghyuk had his body under control but once he was gone Hongbin would go insane. His brain was clouded with lust, and he needed release right now, not in an hour. 

 

“Can you make it under an hour?” Hongbin tried to persuade Sanghyuk and moaned loudly when Sanghyuk bit his neck. A hard bite, just the way he liked it. Sanghyuk looked at him. For once there was a glimmer in those cold eyes. It was lust, but it was better than nothing to Hongbin. At least, he had some kind of effect on Sanghyuk. 

 

“Only if you don’t touch yourself!”

 

“I’ll be good,” promised Hongbin as his hands wandered into Sanghyuk’s hair. The latter hummed in agreement before he engaged Hongbin into another kiss. This one wasn’t as slow but still drove Hongbin insane. A part of him enjoyed this painful lust and loved Sanghyuk’s game, but it was a part of him that he would never accept. 

 

“I didn’t expect anything else from you. My perfect puppet,” whispered Sanghyuk against his lips in between their kisses. Hongbin ignored the nickname. He ignored the truth. He was in fact just a puppet to Sanghyuk. One day Sanghyuk would get sick of playing with him, and Hongbin didn’t want to know what might happen to him on that day. Maybe Sanghyuk wouldn’t kill him. It wouldn’t be painful enough. Sanghyuk loves to inflict as much pain as possible. The cruelest thing he could do to Hongbin was to leave. Hongbin didn’t want Sanghyuk to go, but he also didn’t want him to stay. As always he was torn when it came to Sanghyuk. He never knew what he wanted. It made him sick; he sickened himself. He had thought that these past months had made him stronger, but it had only gotten worse. Sanghyuk controlled him wherever he went, and there was no way out. Hongbin couldn’t and didn’t want to escape. 

 

Their kiss left him breathless and a bit dizzy. His mind wasn’t in the right place to think anything. Sanghyuk’s gaze concentrated on Hongbin’s puffy lips. The younger one didn’t seem to want to leave and instead ravish Hongbin, but he got a grip on himself just a few seconds later. He distanced himself from Hongbin and finally closed his trousers. He was getting ready to go, and Hongbin wanted to beg him to stay, but he wouldn’t let himself sink this low. He was already low, no need to go even lower. 

 

“What are you going to do?” asked Hongbin, even though he already knew the answer. He knew the answer, and he was still standing here. He knew the answer and was still going to wait for Sanghyuk to come back. The next hour, his thoughts and guilt would tear him apart, but they would be gone as soon as Sanghyuk came back. Sanghyuk glanced at him and huffed a laugh. 

 

“What’s my profession, Honey?”

 

“Killing,” said Hongbin with a lump in his throat. Sanghyuk put his jacket on and applauded Hongbin shortly. It was mocking, and Hongbin hated himself for even asking. There were more questions on his tongue. Where was Sanghyuk going? Who would be his next victim? Which family would he destroy tonight? He didn’t ask any of them because he was a fucked up coward. 

 

Sanghyuk straightened his jacket and turned back around to Hongbin. The latter looked lost in the big room in front of the blazing fire. Hongbin didn’t feel right. He should go home and not stay here. Sanghyuk walked back over to him, a calculating look on his face.

 

“No comment about how I’m a fucked up psychopath?” asked the younger one in an inquisitive tone. Hongbin stared at his feet. What right had he to judge Sanghyuk? He was the one who was going to wait for the killer to come back home just so that he would get the chance to ride his dick. Sanghyuk was fucked up but so was Hongbin and maybe that’s why they always came back together. 

 

“If you’re fucked up then I’m even worse for staying here and waiting for you,” answered Hongbin. 

 

“So you’ll leave?” inquired Sanghyuk with a tilted head. He was analyzing Hongbin, trying to figure out if his manipulative ways still worked. They worked perfectly fine. 

 

“I didn’t say that, did I?”

 

“Oh Hongbin, you’re so screwed,” laughed Sanghyuk throatily and pulled Hongbin closer by the hem of his shirt. 

 

“I know,” whispered Hongbin before he was pulled into another kiss that erased all the horrible thoughts from his brain. He would always wait for Sanghyuk, no matter what. Hongbin had never felt this guilty but happy at the same time. He was kissing a serial killer but also his lover. He was in love with Sanghyuk, and it was a curse. 

 

 

***

 

Sanghyuk had left ten minutes ago, and Hongbin already didn’t know what to do with himself. He had tried to read a book but had given up a few minutes ago. His mind was reeling with all the information that Sanghyuk had given him today. Also, he was still aroused and wanted nothing more than relief. Any sane person would’ve run away by now and not wait for the killer to come back home. Sanghyuk was doing unspeakable things right now, and Hongbin would welcome him back as if nothing had happened. As if he was just an ordinary person, a loving boyfriend that was finally home. Sanghyuk was neither normal nor a loving boyfriend. 

 

Hongbin sighed heavily and stopped his pacing in front of the still burning chimney. It was no use to sit and wait around. It made even less sense to pace around. No problems were ever solved by walking around. Also, it was kind of cliché in front of the burning fire. Hongbin needed to leave the room, he needed some fresh air. Sanghyuk’s scent was all around him and made his head swim. It was a comforting smell that made him feel at home, but it also made him anxious. He was always torn when it came to Sanghyuk, even when it came to his scent. 

 

He turned away from the fire and from the room in general. Hongbin wasn’t sure if he should leave the room or not. Roaming the house would be rude, but he also had nothing better to do. Sanghyuk had never said that he wasn’t allowed to leave the room. He just had to stay in the house, and everything would be fine. He didn’t want to give Sanghyuk a reason to punish him, even though the thought sounded pleasing to him. In a moment like this, Hongbin wanted to smash his head against a wall. He hated himself so much. 

 

It was time to clear his head a bit, and a walk through the big mansion might just help him with that. His hands trembled a bit as he opened the door. His head peeked out of the door, but the hall was empty. It was safe for him to go outside. Another sigh left his lips as he stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him. The lights were dim in the hall, but it was still brighter than Sanghyuk’s room where the fire had been the only source of light. Hongbin blinked a few times to adjust his eyes before he turned left and just started walking. 

 

The walls in the hall were covered with white wood panels with intricate carvings. A thick red carpet covered the floor. Hongbin had the weird sensation that he was stepping on blood, but his mind was just running wild. He couldn’t imagine Sanghyuk walking through these halls, especially not as a child. In general, he couldn’t imagine Sanghyuk as a child. As something so innocent. It didn’t seem right to Hongbin. 

 

He passed a few doors, but he didn’t dare to open any of them. After all, he was just a guest, and it was bad enough that he was roaming these halls on his own. He might not even find his way back. It didn’t matter though because Sanghyuk always found him. Hongbin could try to outrun Sanghyuk and hide, but in the end, the younger one would always get him. Hongbin didn’t mind that anymore. Nothing would change without Sanghyuk, only that he would feel more broken. Maybe he would heal, maybe he wouldn’t. Hongbin didn’t want to find that out anyway. 

 

Hongbin passed an open room and stopped in his tracks. From the corner of his eyes, it had looked like someone had been standing inside that room. Hongbin gulped and took a few steps back to glance into the room again. At first sight, it looked like an empty room that was lit by another chimney fire. Hongbin took a tentative step inside and mustered the dark silhouette that stood in front of the fire. He cleared his throat and knocked on the doorframe. He might be crazy for staying in this house, but he definitely hadn’t lost his manners. 

 

The silhouette turned his way and said: “Come in, Dr. Lee.”

 

It was Sanghyuk’s mother, her voice sounded broken and a bit slurred. She seemed like she had drunk alcohol while crying her eyes out. Hongbin walked towards her and took in the room she was standing in. It looked like an old living room. A worn couch and two old wing chairs stood by the chimney. The walls were covered with bookshelves, safe for one wall which was covered with photos. The carpet looked more worn. In general, the room seemed old and as if it hadn’t been used much lately. 

 

“This used to be the main living room until my husband created another one downstairs,” explained Mrs. Hand and she tried her hardest to make her voice sound light but her face betrayed her. Fresh tears glistened in her eyes, and she looked torn as if something was eating her up. This family definitely had some major problems, but Hongbin wasn’t going to be their judge. He had no right. He was as fucked up as them. 

 

“It looks charming, Mrs. Han,” said Hongbin politely and was glad that his voice didn’t crack. He was even gladder that his erection had vanished or this would have been very awkward.

 

“Thank you. Where is my son?” asked Mrs. Han, her voices was still light. However, Hongbin noticed her tenseness as well as the empty brandy glass in her hand. For a moment, he considered lying to her, but something told him that she would look right through him. So instead he opted for the truth: “Off to do something but he’ll be back.”

 

Mrs. Han lost her light smile that she had put on for Hongbin and stared at the bottom of her glass. Hongbin was ready to catch her because she seemed to swing a bit on her feet, but she managed to keep herself upright. 

 

“He’s doing it again, isn’t he?”

 

Her voice sounded hard and cold. Sanghyuk had not only learned from his father. She seemed so sober about it. She wasn’t surprised, but she still looked disappointed. No mother wants to see her child turn into a murder. 

 

“I do think so, Ma’am,” sighed Hongbin and stared straight ahead into the fire. Mrs. Han sat her glass down on a table and filled it with more brandy. She took a sip before she turned towards Hongbin again. He wondered how much she had already drunk and if she was able to take that much liquor. 

 

“I’ve always wondered if it was my fault that he’s the way he is. Could it be, Dr. Lee? I want your honest opinion! Everybody always says: ‘Of course it isn’t,’ but I can hear and see that they’re lying.”

 

“I can’t give you a definite answer, Mrs. Han. Sanghyuk didn’t talk about you or your family in general. However, he told me a bit tonight. Still, it’s not enough for me to judge if you might have influenced his current state of mind.”

 

“But most serial killers have a horrible relationship with their mother,” stated Mrs. Han and stepped closer to Hongbin. Her hands were trembling, and her eyes pierced him as if she wanted him to tell her that it was her fault. Hongbin felt trapped, he cursed himself from stepping out of Sanghyuk’s room. Still, he wasn’t one to back out and tried to sound as professional as possible without hurting her feelings. 

 

“For most, that might be true, but not all serial killers are psychopaths, Ma’am. They usually have a bad relationship with their mother because their mother was abusive towards them or didn’t give them love. I don’t know if you ever did such things to your son and even if you did, it wouldn’t only be your fault. Usually, a genetic component comes into play with psychopathy as well.”

 

“I never abused Sanghyuk, but I never saved him from his father’s words. I never was like a real mother to him. I was always too preoccupied with maintaining my social status, but I always tried to be his mother. Every night, I would put him to bed and tell him a story. It didn’t matter if there was a party downstairs or not. I loved my son, but now I don’t know.”

 

Mrs. Han stared at the fire melancholically as if she remembered her little child. Her child that was so innocent and that she had always tucked into bed. It broke Hongbin’s heart to see her this way. 

 

“It’s hard to love someone like him,” whispered Hongbin. He knew it because he loved Sanghyuk and it was the hardest thing he ever had to go through in his entire life. Loving someone like Sanghyuk took all your energy and left you empty-handed. 

 

“He’s a lot like his father, and I managed to stay with him for twenty years,” said Mrs. Han, sloshing the liquor in her glass. 

 

“Was Mr. Han ever abusive towards you in front of Sanghyuk?” asked Hongbin, interested in hearing her story because he wasn’t sure if he believed Sanghyuk. He was never sure if Sanghyuk was lying to him or telling the truth. 

 

“He only ever used his words, but I guess my son learned a lot from him. I wish I could go back and put my son in a safe bubble so that he would never turn out to be a monster.”

 

“I’m not sure if that would’ve helped, Ma’am.”

 

Mrs. Han stayed silent for a few minutes, probably thinking about what Hongbin had just said. She took another sip of her brandy and another one and another one until it was empty. This time she put the glass back on the table for good and stopped drinking. Instead, she turned to Hongbin so that she was facing him. He was still standing a few feet away from her, not sure if he should step closer. 

 

“I have another question for you, Dr. Lee.”

 

“I’ll try to answer as best as I can.”

 

“Why are you still here? Why are you waiting for my son to come back when you know what he has done?” asked Mrs. Han interested. She didn’t seem to judge him but really wanted to know the reason why. 

 

“I-I” a heavy sigh left Hongbin’s mouth, and he ruffled his hair before he continued: “I really don’t know, Mrs. Han. I just can’t seem to leave. I always come back for him.”

 

Mrs. Han had tears in her eyes again and stepped closer towards Hongbin. She looked as if she sympathized with him. As if she knew what he was going through. 

 

“I know that feeling. It’s the same with my husband and me. Back on our 10th anniversary, he wanted the divorce, but I begged on my knees for him to stay. It’s horrible to be with him, but it would be even worse without him. That’s how you feel too, right?”

 

“Exactly,” breathed Hongbin. He wasn’t shocked by her reveal. Just based on their dynamic from this evening he had guessed that she was running after husband, always trying to please him. 

 

Mrs. Han suddenly furrowed her eyebrows and was serious for the first time tonight. What she was about to say wasn’t something to take easy. Hongbin prepared himself mentally. 

 

“Only that my husband is not a killer. Dr. Lee, you should leave and run far away. Get away from my son as far as you can. He isn’t a good man.”

 

For a moment, Hongbin felt as if she had slapped him. He even felt a bit offended because she didn’t want him close to her son, but then he realized that she was trying to help him. She was trying to get him away from Sanghyuk for his own good. It was a nice thought, but Hongbin was lost. There was no saving him from Sanghyuk anymore. 

 

“I know Ma’am, but it would be no use. Sanghyuk always finds me and drags me back to him, or I run back to him. There’s no way out of this. I can’t leave, I just can’t,” admitted Hongbin with a heavy heart and a lot of shame. He wanted to hide his face but resisted the urged. Instead, his eyes focused on his feet to avoid looking at Mrs. Han. She probably had a pitying look on her face, and he didn’t want to see any of that. 

 

“I never thought that I would say this about my own son, but he doesn’t deserve any bit of your love, Dr. Lee. I may not know you, but I’m sure that you’re a good man that had a bright future and you might still have it without Sanghyuk.”

 

“I don’t think there will ever be a future for me without Sanghyuk.” It sounded bittersweet to his own ears. Out of context, it might even sound romantic, but it wasn’t. Hongbin depended on Sanghyuk. Maybe that had been Sanghyuk’s plan all along. At least, Hongbin was finally able to accept it and didn’t try to escape anymore. It was no use. 

 

“There’s one way out,” whispered Mrs. Han and she sounded frantic. There was a crazy glint in her eyes, and she had grabbed Hongbin by the shirt. He wasn’t able to step back from her. 

 

“Which way, Mrs. Han? I can’t seem to find it.”

 

“You’ll have to become him!”

 

“What?” asked Hongbin confused because Mrs. Han wasn’t making any sense. Her eyes urged him to understand her, but he only shook his head in confusion. An irritated sigh left her lips before she said: “You have to k-“

 

“I think that is enough mother. Too much brandy never does you any good. Go to sleep and leave my guest alone,” interrupted Sanghyuk’s voice suddenly. It was ice cold and brutal. Both Hongbin and Mrs. Han flinched at his words. They were both afraid, only Hongbin knew when to keep his mouth shut. 

 

“Sanghyuk-“ started Mrs. Han but Sanghyuk’s voice was like a whip. “Did I stutter, Mother?”

 

Mrs. Han shrunk at those words and let go off Hongbin’s shirt. She stumbled away from him and towards the door where Sanghyuk was standing with his hands crossed in front of his chest. 

 

“No. Good night, Dr. Lee,” murmured Mrs. Han and quickened her step. 

 

“Good night, Mrs. Han,” called Hongbin after her because he never lost his manners. 

 

The room fell silent once Mrs. Han had stepped out of it. Sanghyuk closed the door behind him and locked it. The click of the lock made Hongbin shiver involuntarily. Sanghyuk noticed the shiver, but no smirk was on his lips. He seemed a bit too calm right now and it scared Hongbin. Right now, he wished that he had stayed in Sanghyuk’s bedroom. 

 

They kept eye contact with each other until Sanghyuk stopped right in front of Hongbin. The latter had to tilt his head back a bit to maintain eye contact. As usual, Sanghyuk’s eyes were cold, but there was an icy rage as well. A rage that made Hongbin anxious. He wanted to run away and beg Sanghyuk to forgive him at the same time. Hongbin had done nothing wrong. At least, not in his world but Sanghyuk might think differently. 

 

Sanghyuk tilted his head a bit to the side and mustered Hongbin closely. With every passing minute, Hongbin felt more anxious and cold sweat started to cover his skin. 

 

“Are you afraid, Hongbin?” asked Sanghyuk in a playful tone. To Hongbin it sounded more like a threat. Sanghyuk was planning something, and it turned his blood ice cold. Despite the fire in the room, Hongbin was shivering. His head was running wild, a panic attack was starting to hit him. He didn’t know if his body was going to keep up. 

 

“Yes,” mumbled Hongbin as an answer. His voiced cracked and his mouth was parched. The corner of Sanghyuk’s lip twitched up lightly, and it frightened Hongbin out of his skin. 

 

“Oh, you should be, darling.”


	5. PART FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:**  psychological abuse and manipulation, anxiety, explicit sexual content (Orgasm denial, riding, bare backing, anal sex, dirty talk (?), overstimulation)
> 
> I'm sorry for ending nearly all of my chapters on a cliff hanger, but I'm never able to resist them. Also, I love your reactions everytime. Your comments always make my day and I'm so very glad that you enjoy the story ❤︎ :))

**PART FIVE**

\---

_You got me beggin' for thread to sew this hole up that you ripped in my head - Banks, Begging For Thread_

\---

Hongbin gulped as Sanghyuk’s words sank in. He was going to die tonight. Tears started to form in his eyes. He was afraid to die. He didn’t want to die. Not without talking to his family one last time and thanking Jaehwan for his friendship. He wanted to start begging for his life when Sanghyuk started laughing. Hongbin blinked in confusion because nothing about this situation was funny. 

 

“You really think that I would kill you? That I would let you get away this easily?” laughed Sanghyuk, even his eyes glinted in amusement. Hongbin felt silly, especially with the tears that had started to escape his eyes. 

 

“You’re not going to?” asked Hongbin dumbly which earned him another laugh from Sanghyuk. The latter even needed a few moments to get a grip on himself. After he stopped laughing, he grabbed Hongbin’s neck and pulled him closer. Hongbin’s emotions were on a roller coaster ride. It was always the same with Sanghyuk. For one moment, Hongbin feared for his life, and in the next one, he was kissing Sanghyuk. 

 

“Oh Hongbin, you should know me better than that by now. You said it yourself. You said that I wasn’t going to kill you and I agreed. Still, you think I would do it. Am I such a horrible person?” said Sanghyuk with a grin. Hongbin wanted to punch that grin off the younger one’s face but kissing it away would be even better. He shook his head lightly. He needed to concentrate on this damn conversation. 

 

“Yes, you are,” answered Hongbin. His head was still slowly processing this whole situation, and he wasn’t able to stop the tears from falling. Hongbin knew that he was close to a breakdown. The longer he stayed with Sanghyuk the closer he got to the brink of losing himself. It felt as if insanity was just one push away. 

 

“Oh, honey. Stop crying, I don’t want my puppet to cry. Look at me,” ordered Sanghyuk softly. For once, it felt as if he really cared about Hongbin. It was all just an act though, but Hongbin liked to ignore the reality when it came to Sanghyuk. Hongbin followed the order and met Sanghyuk’s gaze. It was an intense one. He had never seen the younger one like this before. It was frightening.

 

“I’m not going to kill you, but you’re going to wish you were dead after I’m done with you. It’s not enough to kill you. I’ll tear you apart. You thought our first night left you broken? After this one, you’ll be nothing without me.” 

 

Sanghyuk’s words made him shiver, and he didn’t know if he was frightened or aroused by them. Maybe a bit of both. However, he was more frightened. He was already so broken thanks to Sanghyuk. He had barely managed to get his life back together after their first time together. Now, Sanghyuk wanted to make matters even worse. Hongbin didn’t want to feel this desperate, and he didn’t want to beg, but he had no other choice: “Don’t. I’m not going anywhere. I can’t- I can’t live without you. I need you.”

 

Sanghyuk smiled at his words. It wasn’t a pitying smile but the smile of a winner. Sanghyuk got what he wanted. Hongbin’s breath came fast, and he hiccuped from time to time. His insides felt as if they were tearing each other apart. He hurt so bad, but he wasn’t able to go away. 

 

“And after this night, I’ll be like oxygen to you. I’m going to ruin you, Hongbin. Do you want that? You can still run away.”

 

Sanghyuk’s offer sounded genuine, and a few weeks ago, Hongbin would’ve been able to go away. It would have torn him apart, but back then, he still had a life he wanted to live. Now, there was only Sanghyuk. There was nothing else in his world. His family didn’t matter. Jaehwan didn’t matter. His whole world and being focused on Sanghyuk. He tried so hard to fight, always made sure not to give in entirely but Hongbin was on the verge of something. Sanghyuk had manipulated and played him to the point of no return. There was nothing left in him to fight. It was easier to stop fighting. 

 

“You’ll always find me.”

 

“Is that a yes?” 

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good puppet,” purred Sanghyuk before he kissed Hongbin passionately. Another act to keep Hongbin by his side but the latter didn’t care anymore. He simply wrapped his arms around Sanghyuk’s neck and let himself fall into the kiss. Tears still slipped from his eyes, but he didn’t care. Tonight, Hongbin had completely lost himself. Sanghyuk had taken everything away. 

 

Sanghyuk broke their kiss and licked Hongbin’s tears away. It was weird but also soothing. For a second, it was as if Sanghyuk really cared about him. Hongbin closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing. Fear still coursed through his veins but it wasn’t petrifying him anymore. Sanghyuk kissed him again, his lips salty thanks to Hongbin’s tears. 

 

“Now, how about you stop crying and we start enjoying ourselves, hm?” whispered Sanghyuk against his lips while his fingers slowly traced circles into Hongbin’s skin. They had found Hongbin’s pulse point and applied light pressure which made Hongbin gasp. Arousal shot through his veins. His body always surprised him. It went from terrified to horny in seconds. It just showed how fucked up he really was. It didn’t matter anymore though. He had stopped worrying about that because he wasn’t able to change any of that. Maybe it was weak of him to give in, but Sanghyuk was too strong for him. 

 

“You should answer my question, darling,” Sanghyuk’s tone was a warning as well as the hand that wrapped itself around Hongbin’s throat and applied pressure. His breath was cut short, but he wasn’t going to die. His body reacted immediately and pushed itself closer to Sanghyuk, eager for more. The psychopath grinned as Hongbin tried to grind against him but was unsuccessful. 

 

“Sounds like a good idea,” Hongbin answered after Sanghyuk’s grip around his neck tighetened. The psychopath’s eyes glinted with knowledge and started kissing Hongbin again. Hongbin’s hands wandered into Sanghyuk’s hair, getting a hold of his roots. Sanghyuk groaned lowly into the kiss, the only sign of weakness that he’ll ever show to Hongbin. 

 

“What were my mother and you talking about?” asked Sanghyuk suddenly which made Hongbin freeze for just a second. Of course, Sanghyuk would ask critical questions once Hongbin’s brain was clouded with lust. He knew that Hongbin wouldn’t be able to lie to him. 

 

“About you,” answered Hongbin honestly. Sanghyuk would see through his lies, so he didn’t even bother. Also, he wanted to stop talking and get back to kissing, but Sanghyuk seemed pretty interested in their new topic. 

 

“Did anything interesting come up?”

 

“She asked if it’s her fault that you’re a killer.”

 

“Of course. She only wants to drown in her own self-loathing. God, she’s always been like that. Always wondering if she did something wrong and then drown herself in her failures. My father loves to torture her with that. But just like you, she stays.”

 

“She told me to leave you,” whispered Hongbin, his voice quivering. He was afraid of Sanghyuk’s reaction, even though he had just told the latter that he would never leave him. He always had to be careful with his words around Sanghyuk. 

 

“Oh did she? What did you say?”

 

“That I can’t. I can’t leave you even if I wanted to.”

 

“If?”

 

“I’m not going to leave you as I’ve already told you,” clarified Hongbin and rolled his eyes, annoyed to repeat himself. Sanghyuk shot him an interested glance, but it faded quickly. Instead, a slow grin formed on Sanghyuk’s lips as if he had just found another way to play with Hongbin.  

 

“Someone sounds sarcastic. Seems like you’re finding your fire. I like you submissive, but I missed a bit of a fight with you. You give in so easily lately. It’s a bit boring,” mused the psychopath and started stroking Hongbin’s hair. That gesture turned Hongbin’s body into stone, shocked by the affection. Something was off with that. 

 

“So you want me to fight back, only to turn submissive again?” asked Hongbin carefully. Sanghyuk inclined his head, a wicked smile on his lips. Suddenly, his hands grabbed Hongbin’s hair and pulled the latter’s head back. Hongbin gasped as the pain from his scalp wandered through his body and straight to his groin. Sanghyuk knew precisely what he liked and used it against him. He made Hongbin weak to ask more questions. 

 

“I like playing with you, Hongbin. What else did she say?” 

 

Sanghyuk’s lips were close to Hongbin’s pulse point. Hongbin’s heart was going to explode any second because it was beating so fast. Fear and arousal ran through his veins in a toxic mix. Sanghyuk pulled his hair a bit more, and the new pain made Hongbin talk. 

 

“She wanted to tell me how I can escape you.”

 

“What did she say?” asked Sanghyuk lowly before he left kisses and bites on the milky skin of Hongbin’s throat. The latter gasped and grabbed Sanghyuk’s shoulders in a desperate attempt to ground himself. His arousal nearly made him forget everything, but there was still a spark of fear inside of him that was afraid to tell Sanghyuk everything. Hongbin didn’t fear for his own life but for Mrs. Han’s.

 

“Sanghyuk-”

 

“What did she say, Hongbin?” asked Sanghyuk, his voice harder. A warning lingered in those words for Hongbin to start talking or he would have to face the consequences. As usual, Hongbin had to fight a battle with himself. On the one hand, he wanted no trouble for Mrs. Han, but on the other one, he wanted to end this conversation and get on with it. In the end, lust won. As usual. 

 

“I don’t know, you interrupted us, but I think she wanted me to kill you.”

 

As soon as those words had left his mouth, Sanghyuk loosened the grip on his hair and pulled back. Exactly the opposite of what Hongbin wanted. A low whine wanted to escape from his mouth, but he managed to hold it back. Instead, he focused on Sanghyuk who had turned into a statue, his face hard and cold but anger hidden in every corner. 

 

“Huh, the love of a mother. I see.”

 

“Hyuk-”

 

“Are you telling me the truth?” Sanghyuk’s eyes shot to Hongbin and pinned him to the spot. Hongbin gulped and answered immediately: “I’m not going to lie to a psychopath.”

 

“What does it say about me that I want to kill her?”

 

Hongbin stood frozen in his place. His brain suddenly seemed to function normally again. Sanghyuk was escalating. All those murders in such a short time span and now he starts to think about killing his mother. Sanghyuk wanted to get rid of one of his catalysts. Exactly what Hongbin had feared. He tried to find the right words because Sanghyuk was looking at him expectantly but nothing but a weak “I-,” came out of his mouth. 

 

“It doesn’t matter,” said Sanghyuk while shaking his head. He seemed to have found his countenance again, or he was just really good at hiding his inner trouble. Sanghyuk focused on Hongbin again. His puppet. Hongbin was glad to be Sanghyuk’s victim only because it might save a life. 

 

 “Don’t worry about that. Will you kill me Hongbin? Will you kill me to be free?” inquired Sanghyuk and came closer, their bodies nearly touching. Once Sanghyuk was close again, Hongbin’s brain immediately lost all of its functionality. The younger one had such a big effect on him. 

 

“I can’t,” Hongbin answered honestly which earned him a grin from Sanghyuk. The latter stroked Hongbin’s cheek lovingly, or at least it felt like that to Hongbin. 

 

“Don’t have the guts?”

 

“It would save my life but it wouldn’t save me.”

 

“A nice paradox. I would be out of your life which would be better for you, but it would also tear you apart. Every inch of you belongs to me, now. What if I would just leave?” mused Sanghyuk with a grin. His question made Hongbin’s heartbeat spike, and a new kind of fear took over his body. The fear of losing Sanghyuk that would surely drive him completely insane. He grabbed Sanghyuk’s jacket in desperation, pulling the younger one even closer. 

 

“I would run after you,” whispered Hongbin and he knew that his voice was laced with need. Judging by Sanghyuk’s smile, it pleased the younger one immensely. Hongbin’s heart swelled with pride for satisfying Sanghyuk. A tiny part inside of him was sick of his own desperation. 

 

Sanghyuk pulled back a bit, but Hongbin followed him quickly, like a good puppet. Sanghyuk’s smile only widened, and he said in a playful tone: “Thought so. Still, I want to hear you say it out loud.”

 

“What?”

 

“You know exactly what,” whispered Sanghyuk. He left searing kisses on Hongbin’s ear and down his throat. He knew that they would easily coax the wanted words out of Hongbin’s mouth. The latter let out a gasp that turned into a moan when Sanghyuk sank his teeth into his throat. 

 

“I-I belong to you. I’m yours.”

 

“Yes, all mine. Say it again,” praised Sanghyuk but he still wanted more, and Hongbin gladly gave it to him. 

 

“Yours.”

 

Sanghyuk left more kisses on Hongbin’s throat, leaving marks wherever he went. The atmosphere around them finally changed. Less fear and more lust, just the way Hongbin liked it. He needed more of Sanghyuk. He had waited all night to have the younger one completely to himself and now the time had finally come. 

 

“I was angry with you for talking to my mother, but I may be persuaded. Just keep saying it, and we’ll get to the nice part of the evening!” confessed Sanghyuk as he faced Hongbin. They held eye contact for a few seconds. It was intense, but Hongbin always lost. He could never bear to look too long into those cold eyes or else he would start crying. He always searched for a hint of love in them but never found anything. Just cold and dark calculation. 

 

It didn’t matter because Sanghyuk kissed him again and all thoughts were wiped from his mind. Their tongues glided against each other and left Hongbin breathless. Sanghyuk’s cold hands had wandered underneath his t-shirt and made him shiver. Soon his shirt found its way onto the carpet. Sanghyuk broke their kiss as soon as the shirt was off and mustered the scar he had left on Hongbin’s abdomen. He touched it lightly, and Hongbin gasped. The gasp turned into a moan when Sanghyuk pressed his fingertips harder against the scar. Hongbin was sickened by himself for being aroused by this. 

 

“All mine,” whispered Sanghyuk against his lips before engaging them in another searing kiss. Sanghyuk’s hands wandered from Hongbin’s scar to his pants. They traced a slow path towards Hongbin’s buckle, so slow that it nearly drove the latter insane. However, he had no time or chance to complain with Sanghyuk’s tongue pressed against his and the younger one’s hands unbuckling him. It wasn’t fast or frenzy but slow. Sanghyuk liked to take it slow. He had done the same on their first night together. Still, that didn’t mean that Hongbin liked it one bit. 

 

Sanghyuk liked Hongbin’s lips as he threw the buckle next to the shirt and started unbuttoning the pants right away. His knuckles lightly touched Hongbin’s already very hard but still clothed groin. Hongbin moaned softly, too sensitive from waiting for so long. Sanghyuk grinned at Hongbin’s hypersensitivity and let his knuckles brush over the crotch once again. Hongbin choked on his whine. 

 

“So desperate?”

 

“I’ve waited for an hour,” said Hongbin and slightly complaining tone but Sanghyuk wasn’t bothered by that. He seemed in a really great mood, and it was a bit scary. 

 

“And you’ll get your reward, but I also have to punish you for talking to my mother,” announced Sanghyuk and Hongbin knew that he wasn’t getting out of this. He hadn’t initiated the conversation, so it actually wasn’t his fault, but he still had to take the blame. At least, it would save Mrs. Han’s life. 

 

“Don’t be too hard on me.”

 

“Oh, I can’t make any promises like that.”

 

“Will you at least take your clothes off?” asked Hongbin and tried hard not to roll his eyes. His hands pulled a bit at Sanghyuk’s jacket, but the latter pushed them away. 

 

“No,” was Sanghyuk’s simple answer but he didn’t say it in a cold tone. There was a playfulness in his tone that Hongbin hadn’t heard in a long time. Honestly, he had missed it. It made Sanghyuk seem like a normal human being for once in a while. 

 

“Is that my punishment?”

 

“No that was the plan already,” Sanghyuk said with a devilish grin that made him look a bit younger. Hongbin groaned but secretly loved the idea. It made the whole riding even dirtier. He licked his lips, and the move didn’t go unnoticed by Sanghyuk who literally stripped him with his eyes. 

 

Sanghyuk had opened Hongbin’s jeans while they had been talking and pulled them down in one go. Hongbin stepped out of them, not wasting any time to finally getting his wanted reward. One of Sanghyuk’s hands began to trace the contour of his hard member that was still confided into his boxers. Hongbin moaned silently. Sanghyuk kissed his jaw and sucked on the skin, leaving marks as usual. Surely, Hongbin would be covered with hundreds of red marks tomorrow. 

 

He easily lost his string of thought when Sanghyuk’s hand went underneath the waistband of his boxers and grasped his cock. Hongbin wanted to throw his head back as he moaned but Sanghyuk’s free hand held his chin. The younger one forced him to maintain eye contact as he stroked Hongbin slowly. The slow tempo was painful but also relief at the same time. It left Hongbin breathless and wanting for more. So much more. 

 

Sanghyuk gave him more by pulling his boxers down and freeing his hard length. The stroking continued, but the pace was faster now. Sparks ran through Hongbin’s veins, and a knot was building in his stomach. He was close to relief, but he knew that Sanghyuk wouldn’t let him get relief this easily. Soon his suspicions came true as Sanghyuk took hold of his base and stopped Hongbin’s orgasm. 

 

“You’re so cruel,” whispered Hongbin out of breath. Sweat covered his forehead and his back. 

 

“What else did you expect?” laughed Sanghyuk as he let go of Hongbin’s still hard cock and distanced himself. Hongbin followed him without thinking twice, and soon they were close to the couch. Hongbin didn’t answer Sanghyuk’s question because he was too focused on the movements of the latter. Sanghyuk sat down on the couch with an air of grace that shouldn’t be allowed in this kind of situation. His legs were spread, his hard member clearly visible even through his pants. Hongbin wanted to ravish him but stayed in his place. He waited for a signal as any good puppet would. 

 

Sanghyuk mustered Hongbin’s naked body before he patted his thigh. Hongbin reacted immediately and settled down on Sanghyuk’s lap. It made him a bit taller than the younger one, and it felt weird but arousing at the same time. He was towering over Sanghyuk but still wasn’t in control. One of Sanghyuk’s hands settled on his hips while the other one traced up his inner thigh. The touch made Hongbin shiver. His whole body was ready for release, but he had to wait. Sanghyuk was a slow lover but not out of love. It was his special kind of torture for Hongbin. 

 

Suddenly, Sanghyuk pressed Hongbin closer. Hongbin’s naked thighs touched Sanghyuk’s clothed ones, and his cock was pressed against the rough fabric of Sanghyuk’s pants. A low moan left Hongbin’s lips, and Sanghyuk forced him to have eye contact again. 

 

“Move,” ordered Sanghyuk, their lips grazing each other. 

 

“But it’ll hurt,” mumbled Hongbin, even though the thought of rubbing himself against Sanghyuk’s clothed body sent sparks of lust down his spine. 

 

“You’ll enjoy it. I know my puppet.”

 

Hongbin only needed these words to slowly start rubbing himself against Sanghyuk. His cock rubbed painfully against the rough material of Sanghyuk’s trousers, but it was still enjoyable. It still made him moan. While he rubbed himself against Sanghyuk, the latter used Hongbin’s unawareness to pull out a bottle of lube. Where he found that bottle, Hongbin didn’t know and didn’t care to know. 

 

Hongbin wanted to heighten his speed, but Sanghyuk’s hand on his hips forced him to continue with the torturously slow tempo. Moans left Hongbin’s mouth freely, but they were still low. While he was lost in his own passion, Sanghyuk lubed his fingers and started to trace one of them against Hongbin’s hole before he entered it. The penetration forced a louder moan from Hongbin who turned his head down to look at Sanghyuk. 

 

“God, I wish you could see yourself. With your tousled hair and so desperately rubbing yourself against me,” said Sanghyuk, his voice deeper than before. At least, he wasn’t unaffected by the whole situation. Hongbin wasn’t even able to form words because another finger entered him. He didn’t know whether to keep rubbing his cock against Sanghyuk’s jeans or press himself against those fingers to get them deeper. In the end, he tried to do both which made him even look more desperate than before. 

 

“Such a good puppet,” whispered Sanghyuk and Hongbin reveled in those words. His mind was clouded, way too clouded to even curse himself for letting himself be called puppet. He only wanted more of Sanghyuk and nothing else. There was no room for doubts or self-loathing. 

 

Sanghyuk pushed two more fingers in at the same time, and Hongbin took them without flinching. He loved the burn of the stretch and the way Sanghyuk moved his fingers. He loved the way Sanghyuk drank him in. It filled him with a sense of pride. Their lips met for a slow kiss which matched the pace of Sanghyuk’s fingers. It was so painfully slow, but Hongbin didn’t dare to move his hips faster because he wanted to please Sanghyuk. His own release wasn’t as important as making sure that the psychopath was satisfied. Hongbin really was just a puppet. 

 

“I could do this all night,” breathed Sanghyuk against his lips after breaking the kiss. Hongbin only moaned in response because he was beyond words. All his brain was able to think of was finding relief, and he was so close. Sanghyuk knew that and made sure that Hongbin wouldn’t get his orgasm. He denied Hongbin everything until he thought it was the right time. Hongbin wanted to curse him and bless him at the same time. 

 

His cock was painfully hard, but Sanghyuk’s hand had a tight grip around his base. A dry orgasm hit Hongbin like a train, and he was close to tears. Sanghyuk grinned and bit his shoulder playfully. He licked the bite afterward and then engaged Hongbin into another kiss. Sanghyuk continued pumping his fingers slowly in and out of Hongbin and Hongbin always pushed back against them. He was so desperate for relief that he wanted to beg, but his stubbornness kept his mouth closed. 

 

“You’re so close to going insane, aren’t you? But you’re still not going to beg for it. Let’s see if I can do something about that.” 

 

Sanghyuk’s fingers suddenly pressed down inside of Hongbin, hitting his prostate right on the spot. Hongbin muffled his scream against Sanghyuk’s shoulder. He felt Sanghyuk grin as he continued to push against the spot that dissolved Hongbin’s stubbornness to nothing but dust. 

 

“Please just,” gasped Hongbin, trying to keep his voice down even though it cost him a lot of energy. Sanghyuk seemed pleased once again and leaned back against the couch, a broad smile on his lips. 

 

“Just what, darling?” asked Sanghyuk sweetly and the pet name made Hongbin push back even more desperately against Sanghyuk’s fingers. This was the worst and probably also the best kind of torture. 

 

“Just fuck me, goddammit,” begged Hongbin but that only earned him a laugh from Sanghyuk. 

 

“Don’t use the lord's name in vain,” reprimanded the psychopath. Hongbin rolled his eyes, partly in annoyance and partly because Sanghyuk hit the perfect spot again. 

 

“As if you care about God.”

 

“No, but I care about manners.”

 

“Fine, please fuck me?” asked Hongbin as nicely as possible while gritting his teeth. Sanghyuk grinned. He was enjoying this whole situation way too much, but Hongbin wasn’t able to do anything but play into the younger’s hand. Quite literally. 

 

“Still got some bite left in you. Tell me what you want Hongbin. Every little detail or this won’t be happening anytime soon.”

 

“Fuck,” cursed Hongbin. Sanghyuk was trying to break his last resolve. The last bit of self-respect that Hongbin had left. He took it all away with just a curl of his fingers and his deep voice in Hongbin’s ear: “Come on.”

 

“I want to ride you like you promised,” started Hongbin and his cheeks turned bright red. He had never said what he wanted out loud, especially not in a sexual situation. Suddenly one finger left him and he whined in disappointment, but Sanghyuk was having none of that. 

 

“And?”

 

“Afterwards you can do me on the floor,” continued Hongbin as he started to realize what Sanghyuk was doing. Another finger left him. 

 

“In front of the fireplace?”

 

“Yes and then against the wall. I don’t fucking care as long as you make it go away.” 

 

Now, only one finger was pumping him, and Hongbin nearly felt empty, but he would surely get what he wanted soon.  

 

“Make what go away?” questioned Sanghyuk, even though he already knew the answer. Hongbin was beyond any self-respect and just let the words spill out of his mouth. 

 

“Ah… the pain.”

 

“Does it hurt that bad?” whispered Sanghyuk against his collarbone before he bit it. Hongbin gasped at the pain, and it shot new waves of lust through his body. 

 

“Yes, just please, Sanghyuk,” pleaded Hongbin, close to tears. The last finger left, and Hongbin was empty. His thoughts ran wild with what might happen next, and he didn’t move his body. He waited for Sanghyuk’s next move. 

 

“Hm. Your thighs are already quivering. It’s not nice to be this close to the edge and never finding relief right?” 

 

“Is that how you feel?” asked Hongbin, genuinely interested despite his neediness. The psychologist inside of him would never not be interested in how Sanghyuk’s mind worked. The younger one only gave him a lazy smile as he started to unbuckle his own belt. Hongbin’s eyes shot immediately downwards, focused on the way Sanghyuk’s fingers worked. 

 

“Analyzing me still?”

 

“And you’re still answering questions with questions.”

 

“Some things will never change,” sighed Sanghyuk and unzipped his pants. Hongbin lifted his hips lightly so that Sanghyuk was able to pull down his pants and free his erection. Sanghyuk used the rest of lube from his fingers and some more from the battle. Hongbin licked his lips as he watched the whole process. His body was on fire, and every nerve was on edge. 

 

“Please, Sanghyuk,” begged Hongbin once again in a whisper. This time Sanghyuk seemed to give in because he positioned Hongbin on his lap. His cock barely touched Hongbin’s hole. 

 

“Fine but only because you asked so nicely,” said Sanghyuk with a shrug and pulled Hongbin’s hips down and went in in one go. Hongbin moaned in satisfaction, finally getting what he had yearned for. His head was thrown back, and his body was on full display for Sanghyuk. The psychopath grinned and let go of Hongbin’s hips. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and said: “Work for it!”

 

Hongbin’s head snapped forward, and his hands settled on Sanghyuk’s clothed shoulders. God, this was dirty, but Hongbin liked it that way. Sanghyuk filled a need that had never been satisfied. Hongbin weirdly felt like himself for once and not out of place. Maybe this was his sad reality now. He was only truly himself when Sanghyuk was buried deep inside of him. Well, things could be worse. 

 

Hongbin did as Sanghyuk told him and started to lift his hips. Soon he found a fast rhythm of up and down, but it still wasn’t enough. It still didn’t satisfy the need that burned through his veins. Sanghyuk knew that but he didn’t do anything, he simply let Hongbin ride him. Hongbin’s thighs quivered even harder, and he was starting to lose strength. The rhythm was turning slower, not hard and fast as he needed it to be. 

 

“Tired, are we?” asked Sanghyuk playfully as one of his hands massaged Hongbin’s thigh. The latter was only able to nod while he concentrated all his energy on moving his hips. He didn’t want to beg again, but he wasn’t far from it. 

 

“Maybe you need a little help,” mused Sanghyuk and started to meet Hongbin’s hips. The latter moaned in approval, and a new wave of strength hit him. Finally, he started to feel closer to the edge than before, and Sanghyuk was helping him so well. It was good, a bit too good to be true. Hongbin’s mind was fuzzy, but it still knew that Sanghyuk was up to something. Just when Hongbin was about to jump over the edge, Sanghyuk stopped him once again. 

 

“Fuck, why?” sobbed Hongbin and stopped moving his hips. Frustration laced his words, and Sanghyuk laughed at him. 

 

“You wouldn’t want it any other way.”

 

“I would love to finally have an orgasm.”

 

“That’s your punishment, darling. Now, get off my lap and down on your knees. You have five seconds.”

 

Hongbin registered those words and was fast as lightning. Within a few seconds, he was on his knees in front of the fireplace. He already felt too hot, and sweat was covering his skin but he was only able to think about release, and he would do anything for that. 

 

Sanghyuk followed him and positioned himself behind Hongbin. Suddenly, a sharp pain went through Hongbin’s whole body as Sanghyuk slapped his ass. Hongbin moaned shamelessly, and his dick throbbed in interest. Sanghyuk massaged the butt cheek before giving it another even harder slap. It stung horribly, but Hongbin wanted more. He would be able just to come from that. Luckily, Sanghyuk didn’t venture into another discussion and simply grabbed his hips. The younger one glided into Hongbin in one easy go. 

 

“You should hold on to the carpet, darling,” were Sanghyuk’s warning before he started pumping into Hongbin. It was hard and fast, and it nearly blew Hongbin’s mind away. Incoherent noises and words left his lips with every snap of Sanghyuk’s hips. Surely his moans could be heard throughout the whole house, but he didn’t care. The carpet scratched his knees, but he didn’t care. Sanghyuk’s fast thrusts were his only focus. 

 

Sanghyuk changed the angle of Hongbin’s legs and hit new places. Hongbin’s throat would be sore in the morning, but it was totally worth it. His orgasm hit him so fast that he was barely able to catch up. Another loud moan left his lips as he came all over the carpet. After such a long time of edging, the orgasm nearly made him black out. Sanghyuk still thrusted into him, but he was getting slower. Hongbin was sensitive, but his mind still wanted more. 

 

“Are you satisfied?” asked Sanghyuk in a light tone but he knew the answer. They both knew the answer just by the way Hongbin was still pushing back against every thrust and hadn’t stopped moaning. 

 

“More,” gasped Hongbin, beyond all coherent thought. Sanghyuk continued his thrusts, picking up the pace again. Hongbin’s skin was prickling from too many sensations, and all he sought was another wave of relief. Suddenly, Sanghyuk pulled out of him which made him whine loudly. 

 

“Turn around, darling,” commanded Sanghyuk and Hongbin followed immediately. Sanghyuk put Hongbin’s legs on his shoulders before he entered him again. His thrusts were slow but hard. 

 

“All mine,” breathed Sanghyuk and left more marks on Hongbin’s neck that was already with too many red spots. Hongbin only moaned in agreement and enjoyed their intimacy. Soon, Sanghyuk’s hips started to move faster again. 

 

“Do you want me to come inside of you or all over you?” asked the younger one with a grin. Hongbin needed a moment to register those words and think about what he wanted, but in the end, Sanghyuk didn’t leave him much of a choice. He never did. 

 

“Too late,” whispered Sanghyuk against Hongbin’s lips and buried himself deep inside of Hongbin and came. Hongbin moaned as he was filled with Sanghyuk’s cum, but he was still searching for relief. His body was drenched in sweat and his cock hard. Sanghyuk’s fingers traced his skin, leaving burning marks in their wake. 

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of that,” promised Sanghyuk as he grabbed Hongbin’s erection and started pumping it. It was a slow pace to drive Hongbin even more insane. Sanghyuk seemed very happy with Hongbin because he went down on the latter without another word. Another moan left Hongbin’s lips as Sanghyuk sucked him off hard and fast. Hongbin tried to find some kind of purchase, but his hands were left empty. 

 

Sanghyuk pushed two fingers inside of Hongbin and massaged his prostate in rhythm with his bobbing. Hongbin wanted to scream but bit his own hand to stop himself. It was so embarrassing but so damn good at the same time. He was approaching the edge fast, his skin screamed with over-sensitivity, and Sanghyuk’s free hand had to press Hongbin’s hips down to the floor. Another thrust of Sanghyuk’s fingers and a hard suck and Hongbin came with a choked sob. Sanghyuk continued bobbing his head and fucking Hongbin with his fingers. The latter had started to cry because the overstimulation was too much for him. 

 

“Sanghyuk stop,” gasped Hongbin, trying to get away but Sanghyuk pinned him down. Hongbin’s cock plopped out of Sanghyuk’s mouth, but the latter continued hitting Hongbin’s prostate. Sanghyuk towered over him again and a wicked smile on his lips but only coldness in his eyes. 

 

“Do you really want me to stop?” asked Sanghyuk, his voice deep. It drove Hongbin insane. It was all too much. Sanghyuk’s voice, his fingers and in general his whole presence. Hongbin hid his face behind his arm and sobbed lightly. Sanghyuk stopped his penetration and slowly pulled Hongbin’s arm away. Reality seemed to play tricks on Hongbin for a second because Sanghyuk never actually did what he was told or was affectionate in any way. 

 

“Shh, it’s okay,” whispered Sanghyuk before he engaged Hongbin into a passionate kiss. Hongbin’s heart swelled with love even though he knew that it was all manipulation. They broke their kiss, and Hongbin gasped for air as his body slowly relaxed. Sanghyuk stroked his hair with affection and Hongbin wanted to run away. This was scarier than seeing bloodlust in Sanghyuk’s eyes. It was scary to feel the touch of an affectionate gesture but only see cold calculation in the eyes of a loved one. It was all a game to Sanghyuk, but Hongbin didn’t care. Hongbin had stopped caring tonight. 

 

“I just need a few moments,” gasped Hongbin and the clouds inside of his mind started to disappear. Sanghyuk nodded and stood up. He searched for Hongbin’s clothes and pulled a shirt over Hongbin’s head. After that, he lifted Hongbin up without any problem and carried him out of the room. Hongbin was glad that he didn’t have to walk because he wasn’t sure if his legs were able to work. On their way through the house, Hongbin’s eyes closed and he started to slip into a dreamless sleep. 


	6. PART SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _ **[CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THE PART]**_ **Warning:** psychological abuse and manipulation, explicit sexual content, violence, guns 
> 
> \---
> 
> I'm so sorry for not uploading last week but I was really sick and just wanted to sleep. I'm better now but very stressed because uni, so please excuse an excessive amount of grammatical errors in this part. I just wanted to get it out there because I don't want to keep you waiting any longer. I hope you enjoy this part and pls don't kill me afterwards :D

_ “As you know, madness is like gravity...all it takes is a little push.” - The Joker, The Dark Knight _

**\---**

**PART SIX**

He was surrounded by fluffy pillows and soft sheets that were like silk against his naked skin. This definitely wasn’t his bed. Usually, his sheets were scratchy and smelled a bit like Jaehwan, but these sheets had a different scent. They smelled like detergent and like Sanghyuk. At that thought, he started to notice a warm body next to him and an arm that was wrapped around his stomach. Hongbin slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times to adjust to the bright light. The sun was already up, and he hadn’t made it home last night. His stomach dropped as he thought about Jaehwan who would be worried sick by now. Panic wanted him to get out of bed and go back home, but the arm around his body pulled him closer. 

 

“Good morning,” said Sanghyuk in a light tone that made Hongbin turn around to face him. Sanghyuk’s hair was tousled and dark again. Hongbin blinked in confusion because that hair had been blonde just a few hours ago. Sanghyuk grinned at him, knowing that Hongbin was confused. 

 

“What the hell?” mumbled Hongbin. His voice was hoarse, partly because he had just woken up and partly because of the events from last night. Just thinking back to them made his body react. He tried to ignore the images that wanted to enter his mind and instead focused on Sanghyuk’s new hair color. 

 

“I dyed it back to black,” said Sanghyuk with a grin. He looked younger and way more innocent despite the blood that was on his hands. Hongbin stretched a bit before he found a comfortable position. Sanghyuk pulled him closer which made his heart flutter. 

 

“Yeah, but why?”

 

“Because I can.”

 

“You sound like a brat,” laughed Hongbin but Sanghyuk wasn't amused by that. He had lost his grin and mustered Hongbin with his dark eyes. Hongbin hoped to see a spark of affection inside of them, but as usual, he was let down. 

 

“I’m still young, Hongbin,” Sanghyuk said and pulled Hongbin even closer. The latter was pressed against Sanghyuk’s naked chest and wasn’t able to see Sanghyuk’s face anymore. It wasn’t that he needed to have eye contact with Sanghyuk, but it was easier to interpret his mood that way. Right now, Hongbin didn’t know what mood Sanghyuk might be in, so his words were soft and careful: “Sometimes I forget that.”

 

“It’s easier to treat me like I’m older, right?”

 

“I guess.”

 

Silence settled over them, and Hongbin enjoyed just being close to Sanghyuk. At that moment, it felt as if they were just an ordinary couple that cuddled in bed before they started their day. Sanghyuk was just a regular loving boyfriend that toyed with his hair and not with Hongbin’s heart. Hongbin wouldn’t be able to run away from reality, but at least he had the chance of having a normal relationship for at least two minutes.

 

“Not a morning talk person?” Sanghyuk broke the silence which made Hongbin look up. The angle was horrible for his neck, but he wanted to look at Sanghyuk. The younger one’s face was unmovable. 

 

“I’m used to much more talking. I share an apartment with Jaehwan after all,” answered Hongbin with a shrug. Sanghyuk tightened his grip around him, and Hongbin knew that he shouldn’t have mentioned Jaehwan’s name. 

 

“He’s awfully close to you,” breathed Sanghyuk into his ear, and his words sounded like a threat. Hongbin was more annoyed than afraid.

 

“This again,” Hongbin rolled his eyes, but Sanghyuk wasn’t in the mood for games. He seemed serious as one of his hands wrapped itself around Hongbin’s throat. The pressure wasn’t hard, but it was a warning for Hongbin. 

 

“Don’t use that tone.”

 

“I already told you there’s nothing and that I literally belong to you,” said Hongbin and his voice didn’t quiver despite the hand around his neck. He was too used to it by now to feel any kind of threat. They always played the same game and knew the rules by now. 

 

“I like to hear it every once in a while,” mumbled Sanghyuk as his lips grazed Hongbin’s. The latter’s eyes closed as he enjoyed the light touch, but he wanted more. He always wanted more of Sanghyuk. 

 

“I basically chanted it yesterday.”

 

“You chanted a lot of things while I was thrusting into you,” Sanghyuk smirked while Hongbin blushed lightly. He should be far from blushing by now, but Sanghyuk always got him. He punched the younger one’s chest but it was playful, and Sanghyuk didn’t seem to mind. 

 

“Stop it,” grumbled Hongbin which only made Sanghyuk’s smirk widen. The younger one pulled Hongbin closer so that their noses were brushing each other. It was soft and affectionate. Hongbin’s heart swelled at the gesture, ignoring his brain that told him it was all an act. 

 

“You always react so quickly, and you know that I love to drive you insane.”

 

Sanghyuk wanted to pull Hongbin into the kiss, but the latter managed to stop him for once and asked: “Shouldn’t I brush my teeth first or shower at least?”

 

“Took care of all of it, don’t worry,” laughed Sanghyuk and Hongbin was shocked. This was by far one of the weirdest things he had ever heard in his entire life. 

 

“You washed me and brushed my teeth?” 

 

“What?” inquired Sanghyuk with a grin and Hongbin shook his head to clear his thoughts. 

 

“That seems awfully affectionate but creepy at the same time,” explained Hongbin with furrowed eyebrows. Sanghyuk mustered him for a second, those cold eyes not giving anything away. 

 

“I only take good care of my puppet,” said Sanghyuk before he brushed their lips against each other. It was barely a touch and could hardly be called a kiss, but Hongbin softened immediately. Despite the statement, Sanghyuk had just made. As usual, Hongbin was just a thing to him, not a real person but Hongbin tried to push those intrusive thoughts away. 

 

“You manipulate me.”

 

“Don’t be so harsh, Hongbin!”

 

“The truth is easier to bear than the thought that you actually care about me,” whispered Hongbin, his voice suddenly thick and tears threatening to roll down his cheeks. He tried to avoid eye contact, but Sanghyuk pushed his head up. 

 

“I’m not a cold-hearted bastard, I do care about you,” said Sanghyuk in a soothing voice but it wasn’t working. Those words were no comfort to Hongbin. 

 

“Two lies in one sentence.”

 

“It seems that you’re mouthy in the morning,” detected Sanghyuk. Hongbin wasn’t sure if Sanghyuk was amused by that or not. Hongbin didn’t know anything anymore just that he wanted to get lost again. As lost as he had been last night. Sanghyuk kissed him, slow but with passion. The kiss made Hongbin’s heart swell and break at the same time. 

 

“You just drive me insane.” A string of saliva connected their lips for a short moment before Sanghyuk pulled him into another kiss with a grin. 

 

“Oh honey,” whispered Sanghyuk into the kiss. Hongbin’s hands tried to find some solace and opted for Sanghyuk’s hair again. It was soft and silky in his palms. 

 

“Don’t do that,” pleaded Hongbin when they broke the kiss and Sanghyuk kissed down his neck. 

 

“Do what?”

 

“Act as if you care about me and then I have to look into your eyes and see nothing. It hurts!”

 

“Oh but, Hongbin, I care about you. I care so much. Do you want me to tell you that I love you?” provoked Sanghyuk, now on eye-level with Hongbin again. Those words hurt Hongbin’s heart because he wanted to believe in them so desperately. Tears were in his eyes, but this time he didn’t stop them. 

 

“I- I don’t know, to be honest.”

 

“Would it soothe your fragile mind and heart if I told you that you’re the only one for me?”

 

“Stop,” pleaded Hongbin, tears slowly falling from his eyes. Sanghyuk licked them away as he continued his torture: “That you’re my soulmate, my better half.”

 

“Stop-”

 

“That there’s only you on my mind and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you?”

 

“Sanghyuk, please stop,” sobbed Hongbin and used force to push Sanghyuk away but the later seemed unmovable. He only pulled Hongbin closer again. 

 

“Oh Hongbin but I do love you,” stated Sanghyuk in a soft tone but his eyes were ice-cold. 

 

“I don’t believe you,” whispered Hongbin, hiccuping slightly. Sanghyuk only smiled, and it seemed a bit bitter-sweet. Maybe Hongbin’s mind was playing tricks on himself. 

 

“And still you stay.”

 

“Because I love you.”

 

“Say it again!”

 

Sanghyuk’s arms were a wall around him that pushed him ever so closer. Hongbin looked into the psychopath’s eyes before he repeated his confession. 

 

“I love you.”

 

“Such a good boy,” purred Sanghyuk and pulled Hongbin into another kiss. It was more out of control than the ones before. More passion or rather force and Hongbin loved it. Soft kisses only broke his heart. Hongbin moaned into the kiss when one of Sanghyuk’s hands grabbed a handful of his ass. Despite their conversation, Hongbin’s body was ready to get lost in lust. 

 

“You like when I praise you, don’t you?”

 

“Yes,” admitted Hongbin, breathless from the kiss. 

 

“Not so shy anymore, I see,” grinned Sanghyuk as his hand massaged Hongbin’s butt. The latter moaned lowly and rubbed his body against Sanghyuk’s. The psychopath didn’t do anything to stop him. He had other ways to torture Hongbin. 

 

“I don’t have any kind of dignity or self-respect left.”

 

“Don’t be so harsh on yourself darling. I love you just the way you are!”

 

Hongbin stopped moving, his body was frozen after hearing Sanghyuk’s words. His voice was harsh and bitter: “Stop saying these words.”

 

“I love you?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I might believe them,” confessed Hongbin. His brain was ready to give in. He was ready to believe any word Sanghyuk said just to stop his heart from breaking over and over again. 

 

“Maybe I want you to.”

 

“Sounds just like you.”

 

“You know me so well, and you never turned your back on me. You’re the only one who doesn’t.”

 

“What about your parents? They get you out of everything,” argued Hongbin and Sanghyuk bit him for that. It was a hard bite, but Hongbin liked it. It only made him sink further into a lustful haze. Sanghyuk was pulling him under again, so that could only mean some bad news were coming his way. Actually, Hongbin didn’t really care because he was hard again and wanted for this conversation to end as fast as possible. 

 

“But they don’t care about me. They turned their back on me a long time ago, but you never did, despite knowing my darkness.”

 

“Does that mean a lot to you?”

 

“I guess, or else I would’ve killed you by now.”

 

“God stop, I might really believe that you’re in love with me,” groaned Hongbin, partly in frustration and partly because Sanghyuk’s free hand was now wrapped around his cock and pumped it lightly. All of Hongbin’s common sense and concentration just flew out of the window.

 

“But I am,” urged Sanghyuk as his hand started a slow rhythm. Hongbin was lost for a second, too lost in the moment before he managed to answer with a weak: “No you’re not.”

 

“Move in with me!”

 

Hongbin’s body froze once again, and Sanghyuk stopped wanking him off. Sanghyuk’s words repeated themselves over and over again in his head. Hongbin couldn’t believe what just happened. 

 

“Whoa, What?”

 

“I’m not going to repeat myself.”

 

“What about your parents?”

 

“Don’t worry about them,” Sanghyuk said and started pumping Hongbin’s dick again. A smart maneuver because Hongbin was slowly releasing the meaning behind Sanghyuk’s last statement. When Sanghyuk said ‘Don’t worry’ it never meant anything good. 

 

“What have you done?” asked Hongbin, trying not to get lost in his lust and focus on the conversation. Sure, a minute ago he had wanted for them to stop talking and start fucking but now his thoughts were with Sanghyuk’s parents. Bloody pictures entered his thoughts, a horror scenario in the dining room they had eaten in yesterday. 

 

“You always know what’s up. You’re too bright,” grinned Sanghyuk, literally gloating and Hongbin felt even more fucked up than usual. His alleged boyfriend was getting him off while also confessing a murder and Hongbin still hadn’t run away. Something was terribly wrong. 

 

“Sanghyuk-”

 

“Don’t worry, darling. Don’t agonize about my parent's fate. Take my offer or leave.”

 

“I honestly don’t know.”

 

“Think about it. You’ll never have to worry about me leaving you again. You’ll be around me all the time, and I can fuck you on every surface and against every wall of this damn house,” murmured Sanghyuk in Hongbin’s ear. New mental images entered Hongbin’s head and dominated it in an instant. A shudder ran down his spine, and a moan left his lips. Sanghyuk had a winning smile on his lips. Once again, he had won a fight. 

 

“Sounds tempting,” moaned Hongbin before he kissed Sanghyuk. He never kissed the psychopath first, but he had the tremendous urge to do so this time. Sanghyuk wasn’t surprised by that and just replied to the kiss. 

 

“I knew that would get you going.”

 

“I really don’t know,” groaned Hongbin. His thought about leaving Jaehwan and it broke his heart. Hongbin would have to leave everything behind to be with Sanghyuk. Was is it really worth it? Did Hongbin even have a choice to say no without risking severe consequences? 

 

“Do I need to be more persuasive?” 

 

“I-”

 

“Come on, Hongbin,” groaned Sanghyuk, impatience audible in his voice. The hand on Hongbin’s ass left only to came back, but this time a finger entered Hongbin. The latter moaned loudly and tried to grasp for a moment of clarity. Sanghyuk had to do more than sexually manipulate him to make him move in.

 

“Say those three words again and put on your best show,” gasped Hongbin and luckily, Sanghyuk immediately understood what he meant. Sanghyuk looked into his eyes, and for the first time ever there was an emotion visible. Either Sanghyuk really was a good actor, or he really loved Hongbin. 

 

“I love you with all my heart, Lee Hongbin!”

 

Hongbin wanted to cry and thrash against Sanghyuk because his brain was telling him that these words were all lies. Hongbin was so tired of fighting, he just wanted to believe Sanghyuk and live in ignorance of the truth. Sanghyuk’s voice had been filled with affection, and his eyes had shown some of that too. That had to be enough for Hongbin.  

 

“Convinced?”

 

“I’ll move in with you,” declared Hongbin. Sanghyuk smiled in satisfaction and praised Hongbin: “That’s my good boy. Now, let’s take care of your problem and then get your stuff.”

 

Two more fingers entered Hongbin to widen him. He was still a bit lose from last night, but he wouldn’t be able to take Sanghyuk raw. Even though Hongbin would be ready to try. Hongbin was pushed on his back, and Sanghyuk towered over him. Still, Hongbin wasn’t that lost yet. He still had registered Sanghyuk’s words and asked: “I move in today?”

 

“Did you think I would wait for weeks and let you slip away? Not going to happen,” answered Sanghyuk, quickening the speed of his fingers and it was almost a miracle that Hongbin wasn’t a moaning mess yet. Hongbin’s thoughts went back to Jaehwan once again. 

 

“But what about-”

 

“Say his name, and it’ll have consequences,” hissed Sanghyuk and grasped Hongbin’s base painfully. The latter gasped and gulped. There would be time to think and talk about such things later. 

 

“I’ll keep my mouth shut,” promised Hongbin. 

 

“Good puppet.”

 

They kissed again and stopped talking for the next few minutes. No more words where needed for now. Sanghyuk retracted his fingers before burying his cock inside of Hongbin in one go. Hongbin moaned loudly, not caring about the slight pain. Usually, Sanghyuk liked to draw out their sex, but this time it was different. His thrusts were hard and fast, hitting Hongbin in all the right places and not caring to literally torture an orgasm out of Hongbin. 

 

Hongbin tried to keep up with the new tempo. He was lost in their movements. Heavy moans and gasps left their mouths, and it was an entirely new experience to Hongbin. He would never be able to live without this again. He would rather kill himself. Sanghyuk owned him in every possible way. 

 

Sanghyuk pulled Hongbin with him as he changed their position. The psychopath was sitting with his back against the headboard, Hongbin on his lap as he entered the latter once again. Hongbin bounced on his lap, and his hands helped to pull their hips together again and again. Hongbin was so close to the edge, but he didn’t want to come yet. This time he wanted to draw it out, so he slowed his speed. For the first time, Hongbin felt in control and Sanghyuk let him have his moment. Their lips met for a messy kiss. Their tongues glided against each other while they slowly got closer to the edge. 

 

Hongbin used his moment of control to change their position once again. He pulled Sanghyuk down with him, so the latter was on top again. While Hongbin liked being in control, he liked it even better when Sanghyuk was. That said a lot about him in general, but he wasn’t going to think about that. Sanghyuk slowly thrusted into him, continuing to prolong their release. Their eyes met, and a shudder went down Hongbin’s spine. He didn’t know why but eye-contact with Sanghyuk was always too intense for him. 

 

They never broke their eye-contact as Sanghyuk’s thrusts started to become a bit faster again. Hongbin moaned openly which earned him an even harder thrust. He was so close to the edge, and Sanghyuk was fucking him so good that Hongbin thought that he has transcended into another world for a minute. This was different from all they had had before and for some kind of reason, Hongbin thought that this was love. He truly believed that this wasn’t sex but love-making. A deep moan rippled from his lungs as he finally reached his high and Sanghyuk followed only seconds later. 

 

“I love you,” gasped Hongbin but Sanghyuk didn’t give him an answer. Instead, he kissed Hongbin, and that was enough, for now. 

 

***

 

Anxiety filled him to the brim. All lust and love had been lost, when Hongbin had entered Sanghyuk’s car, and they made their way back into the city. The sky was as bleak and grey as Hongbin’s mood. The perfect weather to throw away his life. No, he shouldn’t look at it that way. He was going to spend the rest of his life with Sanghyuk. If it were for better or for worse, no one would know until something happened. Hongbin was confident though that Sanghyuk would never hurt him at least not like the psychopath’s hurt his victims. 

 

Back at the house, Hongbin had ignored the pressing silence in the other rooms as he had made his way to the front door. Sanghyuk’s parents hadn’t shown themselves, and Hongbin was sure that they were dead. His brain told him to run because Sanghyuk was escalating for sure. His behavior would only get worse, but Hongbin wasn’t going to run away. He didn’t have a choice. 

 

“Stop thinking, honey. Just grab your clothes and everything will be fine.”

 

“Why didn’t you pick them up? You always like to get everything done for me.”

 

“First of all, you have to tell them that you’re staying with me because you want to or else they will haunt you down, and I don’t want to deal with that kind of mess. Second of all, if I had picked up your clothes, I would have slit your friend's throat. Just sayin’ that it is better this way.”

 

“Asshead,” mumbled Hongbin. He was barely able to concentrate on their conversation because his body was starting to switch into panic mode. Cold sweat covered his forehead, and his hands felt clammy. Surely, his face was as white as a sheet. 

 

“That’s the best you can come up with?” asked Sanghyuk with a laugh and glanced at Hongbin before pulling his focus back onto the road. 

 

“I’m about to vomit, I don’t have the energy to think about witty comebacks,” groaned Hongbin, holding his stomach which grumbled furiously. 

 

“Don’t throw up in the car, it’s brand new,” was Sanghyuk’s cold reply but it didn’t hurt Hongbin. It only made him roll his eyes. 

 

“You sound like a douchebag.”

 

“I am a douchebag!” 

 

“God, I hate you,” muttered Hongbin and tried to calm his frantically beating heart. Horror scenarios rotated in his head and they were spinning out of control. Right now, it was all too much. For a second, Hongbin thought that he might lose consciousness. Luckily, Sanghyuk knew exactly how to distract him. 

 

“No you don’t, sweetheart,” purred Sanghyuk as one of his hands left the steering wheel and grabbed Hongbin’s thigh instead. Hongbin focused on the warm touch, and his head stopped spinning. Sanghyuk induced his anxiety, but he also soothed it. Hongbin took a few deep breaths and managed to find back his concentration. 

 

“What’s with all the pet names?” asked Hongbin after he had calmed down. 

 

“You don’t like them? I thought that’s what boyfriends do.”

 

“I do like them. It’s just weird to hear those words out of your mouth.”

 

“I can be awfully charming,” grinned Sanghyuk and squeezed Hongbin’s thigh as an emphasis. Hongbin’s body wanted to react, but the panic was still too strong inside of him. 

 

“I know that,” murmured Hongbin and stared out of the window. During their conversation, they had entered the city and were close to Hongbin’s apartment. This was the last time that he would enter it. Sanghyuk squeezed his thigh one last time before he pulled his hand back to the steering wheel. 

 

Soon, they stopped in front of the apartment complex, and Hongbin lost all confidence. He stayed put in his seat and let himself be mustered by Sanghyuk. The psychopath didn’t seem impatient, but Hongbin could literally feel how the other wanted to force him out of the car. Instead, Sanghyuk unbuckled himself and leaned over. Hongbin was a bit caught off guard when Sanghyuk kissed him passionately. Of course, he replied to the kiss, and it soothed his frayed nerves but also reminded him why he was doing this in the first place. 

 

Sanghyuk broke their kiss and immediately searched for eye contact. Hongbin met his gaze, still mesmerized by their kiss. Sanghyuk tugged at Hongbin’s under lip with his teeth before he said: “You have ten minutes from now. If you’re not down here by then, I’ll come upstairs. And yes, honey, that is a threat!” 

 

Hongbin gulped and unbuckled himself. He didn’t want to waste any more time because he didn’t want Jaehwan and Sanghyuk to meet each other. That would only end in a bloodbath. He sprinted out of the car and up the stairs. After the third try, Hongbin managed to open the apartment door and listened if anybody was home. The television was one so Jaehwan was definitely home. Hongbin cursed under his breath. This would’ve been so much easier if Jaehwan hadn’t been home.

 

Hongbin took a deep breath and entered the apartment with fast steps. The quicker he got out of there, the better. For now, Jaehwan hadn’t noticed him, and Hongbin wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t. Hongbin was about to round the corner that led to his room when he walked directly into his roommate. He tried hard not to groan in frustration. 

 

“I don’t want to sound like a mother or a jealous wife but where have you been all night, Lee Hongbin? I tried calling you, but your phone was turned off. I nearly pissed my pants!” exclaimed Jaehwan in an accusing but worried tone. The older one’s arms immediately engulfed Hongbin into the hug, but Hongbin wasn’t able to melt into it as he usually did. He was to riled up to hug Jaehwan right now. His friend seemed to notice that and ended the hug with a frown on his face. 

 

“I was out,” was Hongbin’s forced answer and he tried to push Jaehwan out of the way to get to his room. First, Jaehwan didn’t want to back down, but then he noticed how aggravated Hongbin was and let him pass. 

 

“Yeah out but with who. Judging by all those hickeys, you had a great night!” said Jaehwan and followed Hongbin into the bedroom. Hongbin’s anxiety level was rising with every word his best friend said. He only had a few minutes left to grab his clothes and get back to the couch. He didn’t fear for himself but for Jaehwan’s life. Sanghyuk had given him a warning, and he wasn’t going to mess with that. 

 

“Yeah, whatever,” mumbled Hongbin as he tried to find a bag that would hold most of his clothes. Surely, Sanghyuk would get him some new ones. The whole moving out thing was more symbolic and for Sanghyuk’s pleasure than anything else. There was a duffel bag crammed under his bed. He pulled it out quickly and tried to ignore Jaehwan who was leaning against the doorframe and was watching Hongbin’s every move. 

 

“Regretting the night?”

 

“No, I don’t. I just don’t have time for this now.”

 

Hongbin had stuffed most of his clothes into the bag, not caring if they were his favorite or not. He only wanted to leave this apartment as quickly as possible and keep Jaehwan safe. His best friend, on the other hand, wanted to keep the conversation going. Jaehwan grabbed Hongbin’s upper arm and forced him around so that they would face each other. Hongbin could barely bear to look into Jaehwan’s sad and worried eyes. He didn’t want to do this to his best friend, but he had no other choice. 

 

“Hongbin, why are you so nervous? And why are you packing all your clothes in a bag?” 

 

“I’m moving out!” spit Hongbin, his words harsher than he had intended to. Jaehwan flinched away from him, shock visible in his eyes. Hongbin’s heart broke, but it was necessary. There wasn’t much time left until Sanghyuk would come upstairs and things would start to get more complicated. 

 

“What? Why?” Asked Jaehwan, he sounded hurt, and it pained Hongbin to hear his best friend like this. 

 

“I just have to,” answered Hongbin weakly and tried to go out of the room but Jaehwan blocked his way out. His best friend wasn’t one to give up easily, and usually, Hongbin loved that about Jaehwan but right now, it was making his life a living nightmare. 

 

“Hongbin, if you need more space I’ll give it to you but don’t leave without talking to me. We have been friends for years, you can tell me everything.”

 

Hongbin shook his head because he didn’t want or need to hear these words. He had already made up his mind, and there was no going back now. For once, Jaehwan wouldn’t be able to talk him out of something stupid. 

 

“There’s nothing to talk about!” hissed Hongbin and pushed Jaehwan away, freeing his way. With quick steps, he went back into their open living space and was aiming for the door, but once again Jaehwan pulled him back. 

 

“Yes, there is! You have never acted like this before, not even on your worst days. What the hell happened?” Jaehwan insisted on knowing but Hongbin wasn’t going to tell him anything. The less Jaehwan knew, the better. 

 

“Stop asking all these questions and just let me leave. I don’t have time,” pleaded Hongbin, his voice cracking. Jaehwan’s face softened for a second before he furrowed his eyebrows. His grip on Hongbin’s arm got a bit tighter. 

 

“I know that he’s back,” said Jaehwan and it sounded as If he had kept those words in for far too long. Hongbin was taken back because there was no way that his best friend could know. Sanghyuk had never shown himself next to Hongbin in public and Hongbin had never told anyone that Sanghyuk was back. 

 

“What?”

 

“Sanghyuk, he’s back, right?”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“First of all, you only act this weirdly whenever he’s involved, and second of all, Taekwoon saw you enter an unknown car yesterday. Luckily, he remembered the license plate and luckily, his boyfriend was able to run the plate. Turns out that it belonged to Han Sanghyuk,” explained Jaehwan in a matter of fact voice. Hongbin wasn’t even mad that they run the license plate but why had Taekwoon been watching him in the first place? 

 

“Are you watching me? You and Taekwoon?”

 

“We’re just worried about you and wanted to make sure that you’re alright.”

 

“You were fucking watching over me? You do realize that you’re not any better than Sanghyuk. At least, he lets me know that he keeps an eye on me.”

 

“Do you even listen to what you say? You sound like a love drunk fool. I get that he fucks you really good but-”

 

“You don’t know anything about him.”

 

“I know that he’s a murdering psychopath and you sound like a teenager.”

 

“Just let me leave, Jaehwan.”

 

“Or what?”

 

“Or it will have consequences,” said a new voice. A very familiar voice. All the blood drained from Hongbin’s blood as he saw Sanghyuk leaning against the doorframe with a slight smile on his lips. The ten minutes were over, and now the real nightmare started. Hongbin just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible without anyone getting hurt. 

 

“How the hell did you get in here?” asked Jaehwan as a few silent minutes had passed. His friend was as pale as Hongbin, and his whole body was tense. Hongbin had the urge to hug Jaehwan, but he didn’t. Instead, he took a step back further away from Jaehwan and closer to Sanghyuk. Maybe, just maybe he would be able to calm Sanghyuk down and stop the situation from escalating.

 

“Hongbin isn’t that careful with his keys,” drawled Sanghyuk with a smile, a dangerous smile. Hongbin wanted to throw up. His body was in full anxiety mode right now. 

 

“Let’s just go,” urged Hongbin and pulled on Sanghyuk’s arm. Something that he would never do under normal circumstances. Sanghyuk glanced from Jaehwan to Hongbin, and their eyes had a silent argument. Hongbin tugged on Sanghyuk’s arm another time, and the younger one let him win for once. Surely it would have some consequences for Hongbin, but at least Jaehwan would be out of this mess. Sanghyuk was ready to go without hurting anyone, but Jaehwan wasn’t ready to let them go. 

 

“Go? I’m calling the police Hongbin. That psychopath is not getting away a second time.” 

Jaehwan was on his way to the telephone as he said those words but Sanghyuk’s low couch made him stop in his tracks. Sanghyuk had this effect on people. Just one tone from him and they would stop in their tracks and give him all of their attention. Hongbin had only been a victim of this power, and it was weird to see it work on his best friend. There was a deep burning coil in his stomach at that moment. Hongbin was jealous. Jealous that Sanghyuk wasn’t focused on him. He wanted to punch some sense into himself.

 

His inner turmoil stopped the next second as Sanghyuk pulled something out of his pocket. Dread filled Hongbin to the brim and sweat ran down his back. This whole situation had just turned for the worse. Why did Jaehwan have to be so annoying?

 

“How about we all keep calm? Let’s not make any hasty decisions that we might regret later on,” suggested Sanghyuk in his soft voice, his manipulative voice as he cleaned the rifle with his jacket. Jaehwan had stopped in his tracks, the telephone was forgotten and his hands up. 

 

“Okay, I won’t call the cops. Just let Hongbin stay,” reasoned Jaehwan but that only earned him a pitying smile from Sanghyuk. The psychopath pulled Hongbin closer, his arm wrapped around the waist. Hongbin let it happen without complaint. In any other circumstance, he would have enjoyed Sanghyuk’s warmth, but Jaehwan’s disgusted look made him queasy. 

 

“That’s not how it’s going to go. Am I right Hongbin?”

 

“I want to go with him Jaehwan. It’s my decision,” pressed Hongbin and hoped Jaehwan would finally let them go but his friend was stubborn. 

 

“Are you insane? You mean nothing to him,” hissed Jaehwan and shortly glance to Sanghyuk who looked bored before he focused on Hongbin again. They all were uneasy, well maybe not Sanghyuk. The gun had made things even tenser. 

 

“That’s not true. He loves me,” said Hongbin and felt like a little kid. Jaehwan shook his head and ruffled his hair in disbelief. Jaehwan and he had never fought before, not like this. Not this serious. Hongbin wanted to flee, but he was kept in place. Sanghyuk seemed to enjoy their discomfort as he adjusted his grip on the gun. 

 

“You’re truly insane,” whispered Jaehwan and Hongbin winced. Sanghyuk’s arm tightened around his waist, signaling him that Jaehwan wasn’t right, but he didn’t care. Hongbin knew that he wasn’t in his right mind, but he didn’t care about that anymore. Nothing mattered but Sanghyuk.  

 

“Maybe I am. Still, I’m not staying. I’ll go with Sanghyuk. Just let us go, and nothing will happen, right Sanghyuk?”

 

“Whatever you want my love,” said Sanghyuk relaxed and smiled at Hongbin. A soft smile, a loving smile but as usual there was nothing in his eyes. Hongbin ignored that and looked to Jaehwan again who had watched that exchange with disgust. 

 

“See?”

 

“Fuck, I want to throw up. Hongbin, please wake up. I can’t just let you go with this psychopath. I would never forgive myself!” Jaehwan still hadn’t given up, and Hongbin was surely getting angry. Why wouldn’t Jaehwan just let him go? Hongbin was an adult after all! 

 

“It’s my decision, and you can’t stop me,” Hongbin’s voice was harsher than before, more determined. Tears glistened in Jaehwan’s brown eyes as he shook his head. 

 

“Please Hongbin-,” begged Jaehwan but shut his mouth as he heard the gun click. Sanghyuk mustered the black pistol in his hand. His jaw was tight as well as the grip he had around Hongbin’s waist. They had wasted too much time. Sanghyuk wasn’t in the mood to play anymore. Hongbin feared the worst and knew that his begging might not help. 

 

Sanghyuk turned his body towards Hongbin, focusing solely on him again. A deep sense of relief and pride filled Hongbin’s stomach as he locked eyes with Sanghyuk. He preferred when it was just them. He blended Jaehwan out as Sanghyuk lowered his head as if he was about to kiss Hongbin. However, his lips wandered to Hongbin’s ear and whispered inside of it: “I’m slowly losing my patience, darling. You had ten minutes and didn’t get him off your back. I think it’s time that I take care of this.”

 

Hongbin froze in the half-embrace and fumbled a bit with his fingers until he found some kind of hold in the material of Sanghyuk’s jacket. 

 

“No, please. Sanghyuk. I’ll be able to convince him,” begged Hongbin but Sanghyuk wasn’t impressed. His lips traced a line from Hongbin’s ear to his lips. Sanghyuk’s breath fanned against them and Hongbin wanted to taste him so badly, but he kept himself in check. This was still a game after all. 

 

“Really? How about I’ll let you chose one last time?” suggested Sanghyuk with a slow smile but Hongbin didn’t really understand. He frowned up at his lover whose grin only widened. 

 

“If you really want to go with me you’ll have to do something about it,” breathed Sanghyuk against his lips. His smell invaded Hongbin’s senses and made him nearly limp, but some part of his brain was still active. 

 

“But-”

 

“Don’t convince Jaehwan. Convince me, honey,” said Sanghyuk and put the gun into Hongbin’s hand before he distanced himself. The cold metal made Hongbin snap out of his trance. His body was rigid, a cold wave of dread filling his veins. He gulped and glanced at the gun which was tugged safely into his hand. 

 

“What the fuck is going on?” asked Jaehwan, now clearly nervous as Sanghyuk nearly stood right next to him. 

 

“It’s time for Hongbin to decide what he really wants,” explained Sanghyuk as if he was talking to a child. That attitude clearly infuriated Jaehwan whose eyes shot daggers at Sanghyuk. 

 

“With a gun?” hissed Jaehwan, not taking Sanghyuk serious at all. A grave mistake. Sanghyuk was never kidding. 

 

“It’s the only way.”

 

“You mean it’s your way.”

 

“Whatever,” shrugged Sanghyuk not breaking his stare to Hongbin “Time to decide, darling.”

 

Sanghyuk’s voice was like velvet, and usually, it soothed Hongbin but not right now. His hand felt heavy with the gun. He was barely able to keep himself on his feet. The anxiety and stress was just too much. He didn’t want to shut anyone. Maybe he would just shoot himself, but then Jaehwan would still be in danger. 

 

“I can’t-”

 

“Yes you can,” said Sanghyuk with patience though his body was telling a different story. Sanghyuk wasn’t tense, no he was impatient. He wanted to just get this over with. He was sure that Hongbin would choose him and oh, how right he was. Hongbin would always choose Sanghyuk, but still, his hand wasn’t making a move. 

 

“No, Hongbin! He’s still playing with you,” urged Jaehwan, trying to get Hongbin’s attention. It worked. Hongbin thought about all the nights Jaehwan had to hold him through panic attacks and how he always managed to make Hongbin smile. He was only in danger thanks to Hongbin. 

 

“I’m not the manipulative one right now,” assessed Sanghyuk with a smile but that only earned him a hiss from Jaehwan. He was solely focused on Hongbin and keeping his attention. 

 

“Maybe you’re lucky, and he’ll shoot me.”

 

“Well, good idea. Shoot him Hongbin. Free yourself,” shouted Jaehwan. His voice was too loud in Hongbin’s ears. Everything was too loud. This needed to end but he couldn’t take the next step. It was just too much. 

 

“Do what you want Hongbin. You’re in control,” clarified Sanghyuk but influenced Hongbin at the same time. They both were but who could blame them. Hongbin was able to decide who would live and who would die. So much power and Hongbin didn’t even want it. Just too much. 

 

“No, you’re not. He’s still playing a game!”

 

“Stop,” pleaded Hongbin lowly but neither of them heard him. 

 

“Hongbin please!”

 

“Think twice, darling.”

 

“Shut up,” Hongbin was now a bit louder, but still they didn’t listen. 

 

“HONGBIN-”

 

“I think it’s time darling,” decided Sanghyuk. In the end, it was Sanghyuk who decided for him again. 

 

“No,” breathed Hongbin. His teared up and wanted to cover his ears to drown them out. It was too much. 

 

“HONGBIN-”

 

“IT IS TIME,” thundered Sanghyuk, losing his temper for the first time. 

 

“I need to think,” cried Hongbin and covered his ears. He shook his head. He still heard them. Too much. 

 

“NOW”

 

Too much. He raised the gun and closed his eyes.

 

“HONGBIN! STOP!”

 

Too much. His finger was on the trigger.

 

“Darling-”

 

He slowly pulled the trigger and lost himself.

 

“HONG-”

 

A gunshot and then silence before a body fell to the floor with a loud thud. Hongbin’s life would never be the same again. 


	7. PART SEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ** _[CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE CHAPTER]_**   **Warning:** blood, emotional manipulation, suicide attempt and suicidal thoughts   
>  Since this chapter does include a suicide scene, I want to give an extra warning. Also, there's a link with a list of International Suicide Hotlines in the chapter! Please reach out for help when you need it!
> 
> The final chapter. I can't believe it's already over again. This story cost me so much energy but it was always worth it. Reading your comments always made me happy and I hope that I'll have a new story up soon. Until then, I hope you'll enjoy this last chapter. I love you all so much!!!

[Internation Suicide Hotlines](http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines)

\---

**PART SEVEN**

\---

_ I had to get away - Trainwreck, Banks _

\---

For a few minutes, there was nothing but silence. Hongbin blinked several times and let the gun fall to the floor. His eyes were on the bleeding body on the floor. The body that was probably dead. Someone called his name, but he didn’t react. He was only able to watch the body on the floor. Blood spread towards his feet as he slowly realized what he had done. Hongbin had killed someone. Not just anyone but someone he loved.

The shock slowly ebbed away, and tears pricked his eyes. His body moved on its own, running towards the bleeding body. He knelt next to it and stopped the blood from flowing out of the wound.

“Don’t die,” whispered Hongbin frantically as he heaved the body onto his lap. Blood started to soak his clothes, but he didn’t care. He kept chanting underneath his breath and ignored the hands that pulled at him. His hands were pressed hard against the wound, the wound that he had created. Why had he decided to shoot in the first place? Why had he choosen to shoot him?

Hongbin loosened one of his hands from the wound and stroked Sanghyuk’s dark hair. The younger one had closed his eyes as if he had anticipated the shot. Maybe he had known that Hongbin would shoot him. Hongbin didn’t understand himself. Just seconds ago he had thought that he couldn’t live without Sanghyuk and then he had shot him. Just like that. Sanghyuk was dying or already dead. Hongbin wasn’t sure. His hands continued to press against the wound to stop it from bleeding and begged that Sanghyuk would make it.

Jaehwan had left the room, probably to call an ambulance and the police. Jaehwan was responsible like that even though a criminal was dying. Sanghyuk was dying in Hongbin’s arms. The reality of the situation slowly but surely got through the thick fog of shock that clouded Hongbin’s mind. Salty tears streamed down his face and wetted his lips. He couldn’t stop the hiccups and sobs from leaving his mouth as he begged for Sanghyuk to stay alive.

“Stay with me,” sobbed Hongbin and burrowed his head into the soft material of Sanghyuk’s jacket. This wasn’t happening! This wasn’t happening! Hongbin was just having a horrible nightmare. That must be it. None of this was true, and he just needed to wake up.

Jaehwan was talking to him, but Hongbin wasn’t listening. Not one sound reached his ears. He only heard his own sobs as he rocked back and forth Sanghyuk’s body in his arms. At some point, the ambulance must have arrived because Sanghyuk was forcefully pulled from his arms. Hongbin wasn’t able to stop the scream that left his lungs. Jaehwan took him into his arms and pushed him into another room.

“No, he needs me,” muttered Hongbin. He blinked the tears away, but he couldn’t see Sanghyuk anymore. They had left the flat. Neighbors stood in the hall and watched them. Hongbin wanted to spit into their faces.

“He needs professional help, Hongbin,” reasoned Jaehwan and he was right. Only these people would be able to help Sanghyuk. Maybe they would get him back. Hongbin was still hopeful, but he also felt a sense of relief. A part of him was happy to be free of Sanghyuk. Free of the manipulation and toxic relationship. On the other hand, his heart ached for Sanghyuk. For a touch, a kiss, maybe even just a look from those cold eyes. His gut told him that Sanghyuk would never open his eyes again. That thought made Hongbin scream and squirm in Jaehwan’s grip.

Another medical team arrived, and they tried to talk to Jaehwan over Hongbin’s screaming. He didn’t care what they were talking about. He needed to get back to Sanghyuk, but his body wouldn’t budge. Jaehwan had a tight grip on him, and one of the medics even started to help. The other medic got an injection ready. Surely, it would be for Hongbin so that he finally calmed down. He didn’t want to calm down. He wanted to be next to Sanghyuk.

The needle pricked his skin but he barely even felt it. A few long seconds passed before the effect of the medication settled in. Hongbin stopped fighting, and his body went lax in Jaehwan’s grip. He stopped screaming. Everything stopped, and an unwelcoming calmness claimed his body. He still wanted to fight, but his body and mind didn’t listen to him.

Jaehwan easily pulled him along and further away from their apartment. Further away from Sanghyuk who needed Hongbin so badly. Hongbin’s heart broke again and again. This was the worst, and it was his fault. He had shot Sanghyuk, and he would never be able to forgive himself ever again.

***

The made him sit in the ambulance car while the police tried to ask him some questions. Hongbin didn’t answer a single one and just kept asking about Sanghyuk. In the end, Jaehwan had spoken to him and most likely saved his ass from going straight to jail. It didn’t matter anyway. Nothing mattered without Sanghyuk. Hongbin continued watching the front door of his apartment complex, waiting for Sanghyuk to come out of there any second. Healthy and alive but nothing happened.

Jaehwan threw a blanket over his shoulders and pushed a cup of hot tea into his hands, but Hongbin didn’t even blink. He was too focused and too worried. At the same time, he felt nothing. It was such a weird up and down. There was too much noise around him. Too many people were watching. The press had arrived ten minutes ago, and their flashlights blinded him. It was an amazing story of course. Scandalous especially once they knew that Hongbin had an affair with Sanghyuk. No, not an affair. A relationship. Yes, Hongbin much preferred that.

Finally, the door opened and a stretcher was wheeled out. Sanghyuk’s body was covered with a white sheet. He was dead. Hongbin had killed Sanghyuk. It was the cold hard truth, and it nearly killed him to acknowledge it. Sobs wrecked his body as he watched the stretcher until it was loaded away. Just like that Sanghyuk didn’t exist anymore. He was gone, and it was Hongbin’s fault. He wanted to scream so badly, but it would only cause more attention. Instead, he balled his hands into fists and bit into them. He only let the sobs be heard. Jaehwan pulled him into a hug. As usual, his best friend was caring no matter what. As if Hongbin hadn’t nearly shot him. Maybe to Jaehwan that meant that Hongbin had chosen him, but that wasn’t true. Hongbin would still choose Sanghyuk. He just didn’t know why he had shot his lover. It made no sense.

“You’re free now,” whispered Jaehwan into his dark hair. Surely there must be some blood in it too. There was blood everywhere on Hongbin. On his hands, his clothes, his hair. No, Hongbin wasn’t free. He was even more trapped than before. Trapped in a life without Sanghyuk.

He tried to blink the tears away, and as he did, he noticed a figure near the scene. A figure with black hair was standing behind the police tape and watched the scene. Specifically watched Hongbin who went rigid in his seat. He would recognize those cold eyes anywhere. The figure smiled that beloved smile that always made Hongbin weak to his knees. Once again Hongbin wanted to scream, but he didn’t know if it was because of happiness or fear. Maybe both. Sanghyuk just stood there between all these people and no one noticed him. It was impossible, but there he was, alive and healthy.

Hongbin wanted to say something, but Sanghyuk shook his head. He pressed a single finger against his lips, and the order was clear. Hongbin had to keep his mouth shut, or it would all go to ruin. He simply nodded to show that he understood the order. Sanghyuk smiled triumphantly before he vanished into the crowd until he couldn’t be seen anymore.

***

Days had passed since the shooting. Hongbin and Jaehwan had temporarily moved in with Taekwoon and his roommate Hakyeon. It was awkward at times because none of them really knew what to talk about. They tried to avoid the obvious topic, but it was slowly chocking them. Sometimes Hongbin would catch Sanghyuk’s amused glance from the corner of the room as he watched them eat dinner. Hongbin always kept his mouth shut and never revealed Sanghyuk. However, he did wonder why the others didn’t seem to notice him. Maybe they weren’t as aware of Sanghyuk as he was or Hongbin was slowly going crazy. No matter as long as Sanghyuk was close he would be alright.

At night, Sanghyuk would sneak in next to him in bed and whisper sweet nothings into his ear. It was hard not to make a sound while Jaehwan was in the same room. Hongbin always kept his mouth shut about Sanghyuk. In fact, Hongbin didn’t talk much at all. Taekwoon had tried to pry words from his mouth, but Hongbin seemed to have lost the ability to speak.

Jaehwan didn’t press the matter but kept a watchful eye on Hongbin. Wherever Hongbin went, Jaehwan was always close by. Just like a second shadow but Hongbin already had Sanghyuk as his second shadow. He didn’t need another one. Sometimes he felt Sanghyuk’s irritation and anger towards Jaehwan, but he tried to ignore it. There was no need to encourage Sanghyuk’s anger. There was always an appropriate distance between Jaehwan and him, so nothing bad was going to happen.

Sanghyuk followed him, and Hongbin kept his mouth shut about it. Still, it was tearing him apart not to tell anyone. He needed someone to know that Sanghyuk was still there. That he was still torturing Hongbin in the sweetest ways. On the one hand Hongbin didn’t want it to stop, but on the other hand, he feared that he was truly going insane. Maybe this was all an illusion, a hallucination. Sanghyuk always whispered into his ear and reassured him that he was there. His voice as soft as silk managed to soothe Hongbin every time.

Tonight they had held eye contact over dinner. For nearly twenty minutes straight. Hongbin knew that Sanghyuk wanted to talk to him as soon as he was done. Anticipation and dread both filled Hongbin’s body. He never knew what Sanghyuk might be up to these days. Their relationship was different like this. Even more secretive than before and Sanghyuk seemed very unhappy with their situation. Maybe it was time for them to truly run away. Hongbin wouldn’t mind that.

After dinner, the others wanted to watch a movie, but one look from Sanghyuk had stopped Hongbin from joining them. Sanghyuk nodded to the bathroom and Hongbin followed the order as usual. Hakyeon smiled at him and suggested taking a bath. Yeah maybe that was a good idea, and the running water would also cover Sanghyuk’s voice. Sanghyuk always whispered, but Hongbin feared that one day someone might hear them talk.

Hongbin closed the bathroom door behind him and let out a sigh. There were no locks in this damn apartment, so privacy was nearly non-existent. Still, Hongbin tried to relax and turned on the water. It splashed loudly against the white stone of the bathtub. Arms wrapped around his waist and Sanghyuk nuzzled his neck. Like a good boyfriend might do, but Hongbin knew there was a catch. There was always a catch when it came to Sanghyuk.

Cold hands wandered underneath his shirt as kisses were trailed up his neck. Maybe Sanghyuk didn’t want to talk after all. They hadn’t been this close for a long time and Hongbin’s whole body burned with want. He needed Sanghyuk closer. Hongbin wanted to turn around, but Sanghyuk kept him pinned into his place.

“I don’t want to play like this anymore, Hongbin,” whispered Sanghyuk into his ear, his voice dangerously low. Hongbin gulped as he wrapped his hands around the edge of the bathtub.

“Then what do you want to do?” asked Hongbin carefully. Sanghyuk had been trapped inside here for too long. He was like a bomb. You needed to be careful how you handled him or else he would explode.

“You’ll need to do something for me so that we can be truly together again.”

“Do I have to shoot again?”

At that Sanghyuk actually laughed. Only Sanghyuk would find it funny to be shot. His laugh was cut short, and he focused on Hongbin again. His cold lips traced up Hongbin’s neck. So cold that it made Hongbin shiver. Why was Sanghyuk so cold?

“No. I know now that you’re not good with guns. Still, it is a drastic step. Show me your loyalty.”

“Is this a test?”

“I’m always testing you. However, this test will be your last one. After that it’ll be just you and me,” promised Sanghyuk and his words sounded honest. They made Hongbin’s heart beat faster. There was hope inside of him. Just Sanghyuk and he sounded wonderful but terrifying at the same time. He didn’t want anything more but also wanted to escape.

“Just us?”

“Yes. Forever!”

“Sounds good.”

Hongbin always gave in. In the end, Sanghyuk always won, but Hongbin didn’t really lose either. Sure Hongbin lost himself even further, but at least he gained more time with Sanghyuk. It was worth all the pain. Attention from Sanghyuk satisfied all of his needs. It was so sick and unhealthy but so good and amazing at the same time.

“Good puppet. Now, get into the tub,” ordered Sanghyuk and Hongbin did as he was told. He questioned why he should climb into the bathtub fully clothed, but he had learned not to ask too many questions. Sanghyuk didn’t like to be questioned. The water soaked Hongbin’s clothes in seconds and just like Sanghyuk it was ice cold. Hongbin’s teeth chattered audibly, but he didn’t complain. Sanghyuk didn’t like complaints either.

“Grab the razor, honey,” was Sanghyuk’s next instruction and Hongbin knew exactly where this was going. He grabbed the razor and wriggled two of the blades out. Sanghyuk nodded proudly and stroked Hongbin’s hair softy. It was a comforting touch but didn’t distract Hongbin from the fact that Sanghyuk was instructing him to kill himself.

“You know what to do, darling,” whispered Sanghyuk softly, carefully. Still, Hongbin couldn’t stop his hands from shaking as he pictured the razor blade slashing his wrists. It was a weird thought, a frightening thought. He used to help people with suicidal thoughts and now he was one of them. Hongbin gulped and looked up at Sanghyuk, into those cold eyes and murmured: “But I’m afraid.”

Sanghyuk’s eyes hardened, but his face stayed soft. A weirdly comforting contrast.

“There’s no need to. I’ll be by your side the whole time, and then we’ll be able to go.”

“Are you sure this will work?” asked Hongbin despite knowing that it would irritate Sanghyuk. The psychopath sighed, and his next words sounded threatening to Hongbin’s ears: “Are you questioning me?”

“I’m sorry,” mumbled Hongbin and averted his eyes to the razor in his hand. He literally felt Sanghyuk’s triumphant smile. A kiss was pressed against his forehead, cold and forbidding like the words that were whispered against his skin: “Be a good puppet.”

Hongbin sighed silently and got to work. He always did what Sanghyuk wanted. He indeed was a good puppet. With a bit of fumbling, he managed to press the blade against his skin. The pressure was still low so it wouldn’t break the skin.

“Cut lengthwise,” ordered Sanghyuk. Hongbin nodded but didn’t move. He felt Sanghyuk’s impatience, but Hongbin was afraid. Did he really want to die? If it meant being together with Sanghyuk without worries then sure he would do it. He had never thought that one day he would commit suicide.

Hongbin pressed the blade into his wrist, a sharp pain flashed through his body, and he winced. Sanghyuk gave him a pointed stare, telling him to keep his mouth shut and be quicker. The bathtub was filled to the brim with water and Hongbin didn’t turn it off, too focused on his new mission. He was about to pull the razor down and to slowly end his own life when someone burst through the bathroom door. Hakyeon stopped mid-laughter when he caught Hongbin. His eyes darted from the razor blade to the blood that ran down Hongbin’s wrist. Hongbin managed a weak smile as he cursed himself for not trying to lock the door before attempting suicide.

“Shit…Oh man- TAEKWOON!” screamed Hakyeon as he stumbled towards Hongbin and nearly slipped on wet tiles. He turned off the water then took the razor out of Hongbin’s hand. Hongbin simply let it happen because his plan wasn’t going to work out anymore. Sanghyuk shook his head which caused Hongbin’s stomach to tie itself into knots. Nothing was as worse as Sanghyuk’s disappointment.

“What is going on?” Taekwoon came bursting in as Hakyeon tried to bind a towel around Hongbin’s bleeding wrist. Taekwoon’s eyes looked panicked, a look that Hongbin had never seen before and it didn’t really suit his friend. Jaehwan’s voice was audible from the living room, asking what the hell was going on.

“Don’t let him see,” begged Hongbin. Jaehwan had already seen too much. He didn’t need to see his best friend with a slashed wrist in a filled bathtub. Taekwoon nodded and turned to Jaehwan’s direction.

“Call the ambulance, Jaehwan. No dumb questions, just do it. Tell them that we have someone with a deep wound. I’ll handle the rest!” ordered Taekwoon, finally his calm self again. It was comforting to see at least one sane person in this situation. Hongbin wanted to laugh maniacally, but he bit his tongue.

“Why would you do that Hongbin?” asked Hakyeon softly as he tied a tight knot into the towel that covered Hongbin’s wrist. Hongbin winced, both at the towel and at the question. Yeah, why would he do that? They didn’t know that Sanghyuk was watching from the corner of the room. Should Hongbin tell them? His eyes darted to Sanghyuk who understood the silent question and seemed to consider it.Eventually, he nodded, allowing Hongbin to reveal the truth.

“He told me that we would be together when I do it. Just him and I,” sighed Hongbin, his voice thick with unshed tears. He wasn’t ready to cry, he didn’t want to cry. Taekwoon had overhead them and came closer. He kneeled next to the bathtub and forced Hongbin to have eye contact with him.

“Who is he?” asked Hakyeon confused and flicked his eyes from Taekwoon to Hongbin and back.

“Sanghyuk,” answered Hongbin honestly but he only got confused looks. Taekwoon managed to hide his confusion quickly, but Hakyeon looked at him as if he was insane.

“Sanghyuk? He is dead,” stated Hakyeon with a raised eyebrow. Hearing those words made Hongbin furious. He wanted to smash Hakyeon’s head against the wall.

“No he’s not, ” hissed Hongbin through gritted teeth which shocked Hakyeon. Hongbin never lost his temper around his friends.

“Hong-”

“Let him explain. Where is Sanghyuk?” interrupted Taekwoon who finally took Hongbin seriously. His voice was soft and understanding, his psychologist's voice. Usually, Hongbin would be annoyed by that, but right now it was exactly what he needed.

“In the corner over there,” explained Hongbin and pointed at Sanghyuk with his unwounded hand. Taekwoon and Hakyeon turned around and faced Sanghyuk. He grimaced at them but neither of them reacted. Hakyeon turned towards Hongbin again, confusion written all over his face and said: “There’s no one.”

Hongbin snapped. He had enough of this bullshit.

“HE’S THERE!”

“I believe you Hongbin don’t worry. How long has he been there?” Taekwoon stopped the situation from escalating. His voice was still calm. Finally, someone saw Sanghyuk as well. Hongbin feared that he was slowly going insane. Maybe it was just the blood loss.

“Since the day after the shooting.”

“Okay. Just breathe and ignore Sanghyuk as best you can, okay?”

“I’m so tired,” admitted Hongbin and sunk further into the cold water of the bathtub. Taekwoon took his hand and squeezed it lightly. His friend was never physical like this. Something was seriously wrong.

“It’s okay. You can sleep soon,” promised Taekwoon before he left the room to stop Jaehwan from entering the bathroom. Hongbin heard Jaehwan’s loud protests and then a few minutes later the doorbell. The ambulance was quick as usual, but Taekwoon stopped them to say something. They looked at Hongbin shortly as Taekwoon explained the situation as quickly as possible. Their brows were furrowed but they nodded, a bit warily but they believed Taekwoon.

Soon, Hongbin was heaved out of the bathtub and wrapped in a warm towel. One medic inspected his wound and stopped the bleeding. Everything else would be taken care of in the hospital, at least that’s what they told him. Sanghyuk watched their every move like a hawk. He wasn’t enjoying this at all. Hongbin mouthed an apology to his lover but Sanghyuk was seriously pissed, and Hongbin was afraid. Not for himself but for everyone else around him.

 

***

It has been months since his suicide attempt. Months that he had waisted in the psych ward, not as a psychologist but as a patient. Taekwoon had made sure that he wasn’t able to leave until Sanghyuk was gone. Sanghyuk was still there and watched his every move, but Hongbin finally remembered. The sessions with Wonshik had slowly opened his memories. Most of the time Hongbin had cried mostly at his own stupidity. The worst memory had been Sanghyuk’s death and holding his lifeless body. Sanghyuk had left the room as they had talked about this. No, not Sanghyuk but the hallucination.

Sanghyuk was dead, for real. Hongbin was only seeing a hallucination or so he was told. Wonshik said that it was due to his guilt. Hongbin had killed Sanghyuk after all and Sanghyuk had been such an essential part of his life at that time. The whole psychological abuse had played into that as well. Hongbin was taking medicine now that kept Sanghyuk at bay most of the time. On some days he didn’t even see Sanghyuk at all. However, those were the worst days. Hongbin needed to Sanghyuk, he needed to have him close or else his depressions got worse.

Wonshik had even considered getting Hongbin off the medicine, simply to keep his depression from getting worse. No matter what they did, Hongbin wouldn’t be happy. He wasn’t happy with Sanghyuk around but without him, it was even worse. Even after his death, Sanghyuk completely controlled Hongbin’s life. Some days he hated Sanghyuk with a burning passion. His hatred was so strong that he tended to destroy furniture or pick fights with other patients. Still, most of the time Hongbin felt a deep sense of longing. He wanted to be where Sanghyuk was and be his faithful puppet again. It was sick, but Hongbin wanted it badly. He needed it, and no medication on this planet could stop or prevent him from wanting Sanghyuk.

***

Another session with Wonshik had ended, and Hongbin was on his way back to his room. It was already late, the sky had turned dark blue. Hongbin hadn’t seen the sky in a long time, at least not outside. He hadn’t been outside in a long time, but it was for the best. For others and himself.

Today was also a day without Sanghyuk. Hongbin had taken his medicine three times a day instead of spitting it out. He already regretted it because he missed Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk would always hold him in the night and stop the nightmares from haunting him. Sanghyuk had that kind of power even if he was just an illusion. Sometimes a comforting illusion was better than the cruel reality.

The day had at least one positive note. Jaehwan had visited him again. Even after the suicide attempt, Jaehwan hadn’t left him. He truly was Hongbin’s best friend. They had talked about nothing and everything, and it had been nice just to be with Jaehwan without Sanghyuk’s poisoned looks. Jaehwan visited at least once a week and bought candy with him. He always knew what Hongbin needed and when he wasn’t visiting he was calling even if he just had ten minutes. Hongbin didn’t deserve such a loyal friend. A friend that he had nearly shot to be with a serial killer. Hongbin would never be able to forgive himself for even thinking about that for just a second. Jaehwan had never mentioned it, and it wasn’t awkward between them. They avoided to talk about the shooting, and everything was fine.

Hongbin walked into his cell and heard the door being locked behind him. Locked inside a tiny room, his worst nightmare had come true. He settled down on his mattress not bothering to turn on the light. Moonlight shone through his window and illuminated at least half of the room. Hongbin shuffled underneath the thin covers of his bed, already shivering. Today was one of these days where he couldn’t decide if he just wanted to be home or if he seriously wanted to die. It was hard for him to stop thinking about death. Without Sanghyuk life didn’t seem to make as much sense as it used to.

“Sick,” muttered Hongbin into the dark and leaned against the wall. His eyes were heavier than expected and he was exhausted. Usually, he needed a long time to fall asleep or didn’t sleep at all but not tonight. Sleep found him easily though it was fitful. Hongbin faded in and out of the world until it shut down completely.

***

A sharp knock on the door startled Hongbin. He was still upright, but his head had fallen forward. An awkward angle that made his neck hurt. It was still dark outside. The moon bright in the sky. Either he had slept for a few hours or only a few minutes had passed. It was hard to tell without a clock or a phone.

“Mr. Jung is here to see you,” announced a female voice. Hongbin was confused for a second, but then he remembered that a new nurse had taken over for the night shift. Only Taekwoon was allowed to visit Hongbin at all times of the day. Still, it was unusual for him to visit this late. The door was unlocked, and the blue low light from the hall illuminated Hongbin’s room. He blinked until he was able to see the figure standing in the doorway. His blood froze in his veins.

“We will be fine,” said an all too familiar voice. The nurse blushed lightly, nodded and then walked off. Hongbin stuffed his fist into his mouth to stop himself from screaming. He had taken his medicine. This was just a nightmare. It never happened like this. It felt too real.

The door closed and steps came towards him. Hongbin felt sick and light-headed. Too much. His visitor crouched down so that they were face to face. So that they could look each other in the eyes. Hongbin couldn’t stop himself from looking into those cold eyes. The cold eyes that he had fallen in love with so many months ago.

“This isn’t real,” whispered Hongbin underneath his breath which earned him an amused smile from his visitor.

“I am as real as it gets darling.”

\---

I thought I would show up at the end again. It's pretty open what will happen next and I don't know if I'll write a sequel because I like it open like that. Let me know if you want a sequel or not. 


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